As A Matter of Fact
by librawriter
Summary: Someone has been a jerk and infected student PADDs with malware. Spock requires the help of his lovely assistant Nyota to fix the problem. Computer malfunctions, however, aren't the only things that need figuring out.
1. Chapter 1

**Warning: This story in general will have lots and lots and lots and lots of graphic sex. If this offends you, please skip this one. Also, I am working on updates to my other stories. I have received the requests for updates and I apologize for the delays. I have a little more time now that summer is approaching. To all my subscribers, thanks for staying true. If you stick around to read this story, I hope you enjoy! **

**SPOCK**

Piles of PADDs law strewn about Spock's living room quarters. At least the repaired heap was now larger than the ones that still needed fixing. His teaching assistant and, one might say, friend, Cadet Nyota Uhura had worked several strands of hair out of her ponytail during the evening as she'd bent over each small computer, reprogramming the devices one after the other, like a robot on an assembly line. It had proven to be a daunting task. Someone had thought it amusing to launch a viral attack on the PADDs of every student who had logged on during classes in the Science and Technology building that morning. Shortly after, those students had found their computers laden with pornographic images and a complete disarray of all class files, which unfortunately for some, involved notes and essay in preparation for final exams the following week. Nothing was readable on the PADDs, unless one could decipher what appeared to be ancient hieroglyphics. By the time the students had caught on, three hundred and eleven PADDs were infected. Spock was one of the professors who had volunteered to spend the rest of the day reprogramming the computers and trying to retrieve all information that had been lost. Nyota had volunteered to assist, so after a quick lunch, they set to work. They had been working over six hours now. The tip of Nyota's tongue was visible over the corner of her top lip as she concentrated on the device in front of her, unscrewing this, lightly adjusting that, pressing buttons on and off. Spock made note of the small portion of tongue he could see and wondered briefly how it might taste against his own before he caught himself.

They had started their work on the table in his living area but somewhere along the way, both of them had moved to the soft carpet of the floor. "This is illogical placement for repairing the remaining student devices," Spock had objected, yet and still, he'd followed her to the floor. "I _can't_ sit in that hard chair a second longer," Nyota had huffed.

Spock had managed for the past forty minutes to avoid glancing at the flash of her white panties underneath the small skirt of the Starfleet uniform as she switched her position every few minutes. Despite his meditations prior to her arrival, his control was weakening, as always when he was around her, this human girl who shook him in places he was unaware existed. From a logical standpoint, he should have refused her offer to help his reprogram the computerized notebooks; yet the notion of him denying her anything was foolish. He could think of little he would not do for her. Had he been a normal man, he might have pursued her in earnest. He might have told her that he thought of her in small increments all throughout his day, that she was the first thing on his mind when he rose in the morning and the last thing on his mind before he slept. Sometimes, he dreamed of her. But Spock was no ordinary man. He was the only Vulcan human hybrid in existence. This was fact. He was engaged to an attractive though cold Vulcan female named T'Pring. This was fact. He did not love T'Pring. This too was fact. He felt regular surges of affection and lust towards a human. Also fact. But it wasn't just that he had thoughts of sexual intercourse with Nyota. He wanted her as a mate. This, too, after much meditation and careful consideration, was registered in his mind as fact.

Nyota shifted her hips to lean closer to the opened machine on which she was currently working, and with her shift came her familiar scent of flowery Hawaiian sandalwood. She had smelled of it since the day they had met nearly four years ago, the first time she had swept into his classroom and introduced herself in _almost_ perfect Vulcan and told him how excited she was about this class. Several thoughts flashed across his mind as he looked down at this overly confident female; his very first thought was how strikingly beautiful she was to him. He remembered with clarity the way his heart stirred in his side; the fluttering disturbed him, for he had never experienced it before. Her eyes were slightly narrow, framed by thick dark eyelashes, as dark as his own. She had the look of one who was open and filled with excitement, alertness. Her skin was smooth brown with obvious red undertones. He wondered if there was perhaps some American Indian somewhere in her lineage. She had long black hair held back from her face with a thick elastic band. She was taller than the average human female, yet shorter than he. She filled out her Starfleet uniform in an aesthetically pleasing way.

It shocked him to realize that he had a strong urge to mate with her upon that first meeting; briefly, he'd wondered what she would feel like crushed beneath him, crying out his name. He blinked, struggling to gain control of himself, angry with himself for nearly losing it. The attractive Cadet was waiting for him to respond, so in Vulcan, he had asked her to take her seat and refrain from pretentiousness in the future, as he had known many students who could speak Vulcan. She hadn't been the first to saunter up to him expecting favor. She frowned slightly, clearly offended, before apologizing and taking her seat. He avoided looking in her direction for the rest of the lecture, not realizing until she had walked out that she had caused him to become…_k'oh-nar._ Emotionally vulnerable. Because he wanted her. He had had Earth women before, but had never desired one the way he desired this Cadet Uhura.

That night, he studied her file, committed the facts he found most interesting to memory. She was from Nairobi, Africa. She had never made a B nor had she ever missed a day of school. She was Vice President of the Starfleet Choral Ensemble. He saw that there were several uploads of her solo performances; he watched each one, entranced. She had a lovely voice. Spock's further investigation of her files revealed that her father was a renowned scientist, her mother a surgeon. She had won several medals in track and field during her college years. She was an only child.

After a thorough inquiry of Nyota's files, Spock had pressed his fingers together in a steeple at his desk and contemplated. Of course he could not pursue her while she was his student; however, he noted that her goal was to be a Communications Officer. She had received a full scholarship to the Academy and was fluent in over eleven languages. He was positive that he himself would be asked to serve as First Officer under Captain Pike for the new starship Enterprise, set to be completed and ready for flight just in time for her graduation. Perhaps they would be assigned the same ship. With her advanced academic record, extracurricular activities and the right references, he could foresee no other candidate fitting enough for the position she sought. All she would need to secure her placement would be…extensive research. Most of his colleagues had research assistants, and he had attempted them several times, but all had resigned from his leadership. He had high expectations and he was demanding, impassive, relentless. By his fourth year at the Academy, applications to work as his assistant had stopped coming entirely. Naturally, he could offer Cadet Uhura the job of his teaching aid for his Advanced Phonology course. He could also use an aid for Advanced Acoustical Engineering as well. It would take some smoothing over, after his abrupt brush off, but if calculations served him correctly, she would know that she needed an all-encompassing resume to acquire the job of Communications Officer above one of the newer ships coming out of Starfleet. He would wait a year, allow her time to forgive him for his transgressions, and when the moment was right, ask for her to become his full time Teacher's Assistant for independent study electives with the guarantee of a first-rate letter of recommendation for her application to become a Starfleet Officer.

Which is precisely what he did.

Now, here they were, Nyota in her final months at Starfleet, and a pile of hacked PADDs between the two of them, PADDs that had been promised to be resurrected before the next afternoon so that students could prepare for their final examinations, especially the seniors at the Academy. They had worked closely together since Spock had asked her to be his aide, but no other advancements had been made. Nyota was a highly desirable female, and Spock was a highly logical and ethical male, so their relationship did not progress much beyond work. She surely never noticed his surly mood when he happened upon her on campus, holding hands with a _duhsu_ (unworthy) male who no doubt wanted to bed her and move on, the way so many Earth males did with their women. There were occasional rushed meals over essays needing grades. She rarely needed instruction on what he needed assistance with. If she saw on his schedule that he was spending extra time making preparations for the Kobayashi Maru or occupied with repairs aboard one of the star ships, she simply filled in as his substitute teacher for classes she had already taken and passed. Sometimes, she left small snacks or his favorite teas on his desk in passing, which he noted and was pleased about. He made sure to thank her accordingly, and she smiled, and shrugged it off. Time went on, and somewhere along the way, he realized that his engagement to T'Pring would be _thinoi_ (a waste); somewhere along all those little moments over the years, Spock fell in love with the beautiful Nyota Uhura.

Such feelings were foolish of him; he knew this, acknowledged this for the thousandth time when he caught himself wandering into unrealistic fantasy about her. He who had made a vow to purge himself of all emotion years ago, failed when it came to Nyota. She had found a way inside of his stubborn heart when so many other things had not, could not. To test her in seeing if she felt any mutual attraction towards him could ruin all he had sacrificed, all he had worked for during his attendance and employment at Starfleet Academy. Yet, illogically as it was, rejection from her would be far worse than his inevitable firing from the Academy, should she shove him away in disgust or report him to Personnel if he tried to demonstrate his affection for her in a physical manner. He had never touched her, save the instances they were handing something to each other and their fingers brushed together briefly. Otherwise, there had been so handshakes, no embraces, nothing of the sort. Spock had wanted to touch her. He had wanted to risk all for exactly 1095.73 Earth days.

"….if….this…damn…back piece would just come…_off_! Shit!" Nyota exclaimed as the back of a PADD suddenly flew across the room, striking the wall with an angry pop.

"Nyota," Spock said gently, placing the malware infected PADD he was repairing on the floor. "Perhaps we should refrain from this for the evening. We have been working ceaselessly since this afternoon. It is well past 2300 hours. In fact, you will require a pass for access back to Sloane Hall. I apologize. I should have paid closer attention-"

"No, don't apologize, Spock. It's my job to help you fix these things. This spiteful attack against the student PADDs could ruin months, possibly years of hard work. It could cost students placements for star ships. I know how furious I'd be if I lost all of my information, especially before exam time!" Nyota interrupted, shaking her head. She yawned, throwing a hand over her mouth as she did. She was determined and compassionate. She felt a sense of responsibility to help students whom she did not know personally. It was another reason, the thousandth reason he could add to the pile of things he admired about her.

"Besides," she muttered, leaning back over the now opened PADD, "it's pouring rain again in case you hadn't noticed. I'm not walking out in all that."

Spock's back was to the glass door leading out to the small patio overlooking the San Francisco Bay. At her mention of the storm, he turned, seeing that she was correct. It was indeed raining hard. He rose from the floor, crossing the room to open the door slightly. He knew from previous work sessions that hearing the rain was soothing to her.

"Ohh, that feels wonderful," she cooed, closing her eyes and leaning back against the couch. Again, she covered a very obvious yawn.

"You require rest," Spock noted as he turned back towards her. "I must insist you stop for the evening. I will call for a hover cab. I have a rain shield you may borrow so you do not get wet-"

Her eyes popped open. "I _am_ tired. Exhausted, actually. But calling it a night means that fifty nine students won't have a fair shot at passing end of semester exams. The asshole, excuse my French, who thought it funny to hack into the system and spread malware around like the bubonic plague wins his or her little game. I can't let that happen, not if I know how to reprogram the PADDs. I gave my word I would help you repair them, and that's what I'm going to do. Once the last one is done, I'll head back to my room and crash."

Spock gave a small smile. "Your determination is impressive. However, humans tend to become faulty when deprived of rest. You have already broken the back plate off of, ah, Milton, K's PADD. That should be a sign that you are overdue for at least a break."

"Faulty? There's nothing faulty about me," Nyota grumbled. She poked the small wiring tool into the back of the opened device before her and went to work. After a short while, the tool let out an assuring beep. "See? Fixed. I even fit the back plate on. It's secured. K. Milton is ready for exams. Now, who's next? P. Miller. Here we go."

Spock said nothing, but was secretly content. He took another computerized notebook from the pile and both of them worked on for the next three hours as the rain pelted San Francisco outside.

Finally, at 0221 hours, there was one pornographically tainted PADD left. Spock convinced Nyota to let him complete it. She moved back to his couch and lay down against the cushions, closing her eyes. "Wake me up when you're done and I'll help you get them shipped off to the students."

Vulcans did not lie, so Spock said nothing at her final request before falling asleep on his couch.

Of course he would not wake her.

He wanted her to stay.


	2. Chapter 2

**NYOTA**

Nyota stirred in a bed that was definitely not her own, for one because it was much bigger than the dorm beds she had grown accustomed to. She was warm and comfortable, but she needed to pee.

Her eyes flew open suddenly. "Wait a fuckin' minute," she hissed out loud. She was still at Spock's apartment! She sat up, looking around. Shit, had she spent the _night?_ The last thing she remembered, she'd passed out on his couch due to pure exhaustion. Yet now she was in his bed. How did she get here? He must have moved her when she'd fallen asleep. And she hadn't felt herself being carried? She gave half a chuckle, shaking her head. His room was so neat. There was a window to the left with the shades drawn. She could make out a stringed instrument in the corner, held in place by wall brackets. The work station and computerized wall that no doubt held hundreds of scientific research books. She couldn't see him reading anything strictly for pleasure. The moving hologram on the wall showed the slow rotation of imaginary fish going back and forth across the screen. It occurred to her that she was observing swimming fish in _her instructor's bedroom_. Yes, she was in his bed. Fully clothed, but nevertheless! Nyota found it suddenly hard to swallow. She couldn't believe she was still here! Her fingers automatically went to her hair, knowing it must look a mess after sleeping with it in a halfway undone ponytail. She unwound the elastic holding the majority of the bulk, shaking her hair loose with her fingers. She was certain her makeup had worn away. Luckily, she'd gotten her mother's genes when it came to her hair. It had always been full, jet black and very long. Her hair would look halfway decent if nothing else. And thank God she'd taken a bath before coming over yesterday, so her body was still somewhat fresh.

"Computer, what time is it?" she asked the silent room.

"0530. Permission to add Voice Recognition?"

"Denied," Nyota sighed as she swiveled her body around, her feet on the floor. There was no point in saving her voice to the machine. For all she knew, this would be the last time she spent this much time in Spock's quarters. They'd worked together almost three full years, but she'd only been to his quarters a few times, and the visits had been brief. She was either picking up reports after hours or dropping off PADDs. He had given her the access code last year, but she'd never been able to come with an excuse to use it. She wasn't sure if it had been an open invitation or not. She'd never bothered to ask. It was just by chance she'd ended up spending the night. Well, the good news was that she hadn't been drunk (therefore, hadn't made a fool of herself) and she hadn't hooked up with him (nothing to be embarrassed about when she saw him next). Things were still innocent. He wasn't even in the room with her. So where _was_ he? He'd mentioned a dozen times that he didn't need the same amount of sleep as humans, so was he sleeping now? Nyota stood up and walked quietly back out to the front of the living room.

All the lights were off. She tiptoed to the bathroom, closing the door quietly while she used the restroom and thought about how she should go about her next move. She'd missed curfew, but it didn't matter now because she could be scanned in without a problem since it was the next morning. She flushed the toilet and washed her hands quickly in the sink. When she came fully out into the living room, she saw him, on the couch without a shirt on, only long dark pants. No blankets or a sheet. One arm was up by his head, the other across the toned muscle of his stomach. His arm rose and fell with his quiet breathing. He was asleep. She bit her bottom lip, shifting from one foot to the other. She hated to wake him. He looked so peaceful. He looked so…beautiful. Her heart leapt to her throat when he shifted slightly, turning his head towards her. He did not wake.

Spock. Her instructor, her friend…she didn't know what else. She'd always stopped herself right there, at _friend_. If she admitted, even a little, that she was attracted to him, that she would let him do whatever he wanted, if only he would ask, she would fall completely in love with someone who, at best, was considered strange and emotionless by half of Starfleet. He'd never flirted with her, never given her the eye like so many other men at Starfleet did. Especially that Jim Kirk. Spock, however, was someone who she was sure would never be able to give her a normal relationship, one with hand holding and flowers and fondue and engagements. She didn't mind the engagement; honestly, she never wanted to get married. She was married to her studies and after that, to her missions after Starfleet. Each exploration was five years. That left no time for a regular life, or for a family. Nyota had accepted that long ago. She was perfectly okay with that choice, no matter how the thought of no grandchildren disappointed her parents. But, she had seen what her cousins had gone through with their husbands and their screaming, relentless children, always asking for, always needing, never able to give their mothers space to be themselves. "I can't, Ny," her cousins always told her when she wanted to go to a bar or check out a new dance spot. "I've got to watch the kids." "I can't, Nyo. I'm exhausted. Stephen had soccer practice today and Elaine had a recital." Nyota didn't want to turn her friends down for the sake of children. She didn't want to give up her life for a normal family, one who expected folded laundry, a spotless home and cooked meals day after day. She had never been attracted to that lifestyle. She wanted to be free, always. It was one of the reasons why she'd chosen Starfleet. Who could ask for more liberty than studying the final frontier?

Spock understood. He must have, for, despite being relatively young (what was he, 27 or 28 in Earth years?) he was still single and had no children. He was as strange as she was when it came to relationships, from what she had seen. While Nyota maintained a comfortable distance even with her casual sexual encounters, Spock appeared committed to no one, not even physically. She'd heard rumors, of course. He'd been intimate with Christine Chapel, the lead nurse at the clinic. Supposedly he had left her heart broken, but Nyota couldn't believe it (perhaps she didn't _want_ to believe it happening) and besides, it had supposedly happened before she even started at Starfleet. She'd heard about a few other women, and then of course were rumors that he was gay. Nyota might have believed it except she never saw him engaging in any type of flirtation with male or female. When his comm went off around her, he always answered and it was always work related. Sometimes it was his mother. Nyota knew because he always spoke to her in his native language. His tone was not as rigid when she called. Lady Amanda. There had been times when Spock had asked her to send a file from his computer or retrieve certain information, and she had seen personal or work emails up on the screen. She was a highly inquisitive female, so of course she had glimpsed at them. There was never anything there that would suggest he was seeing anyone. Nyota couldn't read him, so she had no idea what he thought about her outside of their working relationship. Their friendship had started out rocky enough as it was, but after he had seen how intelligent she was, how quickly she learned the material he lectured on and how many 98.6s and 99.7s she had earned on tests where half the students were failing miserably, he had asked her to become his Teacher's Aide. She'd been thrilled, and fantasized about the two of them maybe going at it over one of the research desks or spending one late evening too many in each other's arms…but he'd remained as impasse as ever. He never made a move, never acted inappropriately. Nyota wasn't the type to flirt with her teachers, no matter how attractive, so she went about her work with him and continued to make high As in her classes, especially his. She dated other men casually, had random sex here and there, but her heart never skipped a beat with any of the "Randoms". Her heart skipped beats when she was setting up the lab for a class and he walked in unexpectedly with his nod and calm, "Cadet." It skipped beats when they stood close at the console as he instructed her responses in Vulcan, both general and High. "Your verb usage is incorrect. You said 'There are birds' instead of 'There are three'. Inflect is of the utmost importance, Nyota." He called her by her first name when they were alone.

Alone, the place she wanted to be with him, and now here she was, and there he was. Nyota moved closer to him, quiet as a cat, until she stood before him on the couch. Her fingers hovered over his perfect body for a moment before she let her fingers trace lightly down his arm. Hot. He was hot like fire. She broke into a smile. How long had she wanted to be this close to him? Nyota knelt down, gazing adoringly at him. Now instead of her heart skipping a beat, it flapped wildly in her chest. He was asleep now, so what if she just took a chance and did it, what she'd wanted to do since she was twenty one years old, a first year student entering his class on a sunny morning in August? What if she kissed him, quickly enough to know what it felt like to have his lips on hers, then went back to sleep until the morning light and took the secret to her grave?

Who would know?

Did she dare?

She _did_ dare. Leaning forward on her hands and knees, she pressed her lips against his firmly.

His eyes opened.

She froze, millimeters from his face. "Oh!" she gasped. "I'm..I'm sorry!" Nyota scrambled backwards on her hands and feet, slipping on her butt before she finally gained traction and fled for the bedroom, burning with shame.

"Nyota!" he said. He followed her into the bedroom; she heard him in the doorway, but she couldn't bring herself to even look at him. Her eyes blurred with tears. She'd just fucked it all up, everything. How could she have been so stupid?

"I'm sorry. I just…I thought you were asleep…I'll go—" She made another attempt to rush past him, to just flee, but he caught her by her wrist.

"Lights," he commanded.

"No, don't turn them on!" she squealed. She knew her blush was so furious that it shone through her brown skin. She just wanted to _die_, to shrink into the floorboards and melt away! She couldn't stop her tears of pure embarrassment, so several trickled down over her cheeks.

"Look at me, Nyota." He didn't sound angry, but he had never been angry with her in the three years she had worked with him as his Teaching Assistant. In fact, she'd never seen him angry; it didn't stop the dread at what he might say. She braced herself for the worst, for her dismissal, a lecture on how wrong she was, the firm way he would explain to her that she was inappropriate, he didn't appreciate her behavior and their working relationship was now over. She'd never make it as an Officer now. She wiped her tears with the back of her free hand. Her eyes rose to his. He was so tall, so handsome standing partially naked before her. She didn't know what to do. He released her wrist, but held his gaze on her.

"Explain your behavior from a moment ago," he said. Her heart was pounding. Explain herself?

"I can't! I don't know why I did it! I'm sorry!" She attempted to turn away from him again, but his hand caught her chin this time, guiding her face back towards him.

"That is an apology, not an explanation. Why did you kiss me, Nyota?"

She couldn't stop shaking as her mind raced for the best way to tell him that she'd kissed him because she was desperate for attention he had refused to give her. She'd kissed him in his sleep because otherwise, she'd probably never know what it was like. He would never have made a move. She'd been waiting damn near three years. She might have waited the rest of her life.

Of course she couldn't tell him all those things, so instead she took a deep breath. "I…I couldn't help it…when I saw you lying there," she whispered. "It won't happen again. I swear, it won't happen again."

He moved closer to her, his fingers sliding slowly down to her neck, his eyes lowering to her mouth. "And…if I desire it to happen again?"

Her eyes widened with surprise. He wanted her to do it? Again? Nyota could not find words to respond. She didn't know what to do or what to say. She only knew that her heart was in full bloom suddenly, like a flower. She shut her eyes as another tear slipped out, more so out of confusion now. Was it a trick? A strange dream?

"_Maf-tor du na_," he whispered. _"Fudau na."_ (Do not cry. Look at me.)

Nyota drew in a deep breath, obeyed. His eyes made her feel like she was the only girl in the world. As he stared into her eyes, it hit her like a ton of bricks that she should have looked there all along. It was there where his intentions about her were clear. He blinked, leaning tentatively closer.

"I should like…for it to happen again," Spock said softly. "If you are in compliance, Nyota."

She didn't know what was happening, or why, but it felt as if her entire world made sense now. Everything hadn't been in vain! Was she in compliance?

"Of course I am," she breathed. "Of _course_ I am."

He pulled her body against his, their mouths meeting somewhere in the middle, and for the first time Nyota knew what it felt like to love someone so much you would change your best laid plans for them.


	3. Chapter 3

**SPOCK**

The moment their lips touched for the second time, he knew he would have her, rules and regulations be cursed. He wrapped his arms around her, holding tight, closing his eyes at the feel of her fingers stroking the hair at the base of his neck. From deep within his chest came a rumbling, very cat like in nature. It was a sound Vulcans made when they were comfortable, content. Spock had ached for Nyota, yearned for her; now she was here with him. There were so many things he wanted her to know. He knew not where to begin. Leaning his forehead against hers, he breathed deeply of her, controlling the urge he had to rip her dress to shreds and shove her to the bed. It was in his nature to be sexually aggressive, but he didn't want to frighten her.

Nyota broke partially away to look into his eyes. "Oh, Spock," she breathed. "Is this a dream?"

He sighed with pleasure as he leaned down towards her. "I assure you, it is not," he said, brushing his lips against hers.

"Good." Nyota's arms wound back around his neck, and Spock saw no logical reason to remain standing when they were so near a comfortable place to have intercourse. Her reasoning must have been similar; she had turned backwards, pulling him with her, until they fell back together on the soft sheets. His hands ran over her breasts, down her waist until he reached the base of her uniform. She moved her body closer to him, her fingers running along his shoulders and chest, touching him; as she did, he received small portions of information from what she was feeling. There was a jumbled mix of her emotions—joy, lust, adoration. All for him? He was curious to know how true her feelings were, if she would be able to say words out loud that he could not. Not yet. He lifted one hand, fingers against hers, pressing their hands together.

"I can feel you, Nyota,_" _he whispered.

"Can you? Through my hand?" she asked as she kissed his fingers, one by one. It sent several bolts of lust down his spine.

"Yes. With every touch, I feel you." The bond was mild, yet he received her thoughts: _I love you. Don't ever let me go. I've waited so long for this. I don't want to leave this room._

She loved him. To love was to accept. It was this thought he savored most, this validation of…of feelings he had not expressed in years. She wanted to be here with him, despite his alien ways, his idiosyncrasies. She was not here because she wanted to secure an A in his class or because she wanted to know if the stories about bedding Vulcans were true (he'd dealt with such women before). She was not here to use him in any way; she was here, touching him, letting him touch her simply because she wanted to do so. He, who had struggled with acceptance his entire life, had found an extraordinary woman and she loved him. The scientist in him wondered on what grounds she was able to make her declarations, but he would save such conversation for another time. Knowing she wanted to stay of her own volition, that she had, in fact, initiated this physical contact, made him feel pure _kunli_. Happiness.

"Are you certain, Nyota?" he felt the need to ask anyway. She smiled at him, nodding before she leaned towards him, kissing him.

"I am," she said. She reached behind her, unzipping the back of her uniform. Spock helped her slide it off, kissed her lovely mouth as he slid the straps of her white bra off her shoulders, pulled it down her waist without even undoing the hooks. He tossed the dress and the bra to the watched him like a feline, her long, almost indigo colored hair falling partially over her shoulders. He brushed it all back, wanting to see her bare body. She rose slightly on her knees, working white panties down over her hips, exposing the neat patch of hair between her legs. He grabbed the panties, practically yanking them off as she lay back down on his sheets, eyes on him the entire time. The sight of her body created a dull throbbing in his groin. His lok felt heavy, but he would not gratify himself before he made sure she was prepared to receive him. She took a deep breath as he grabbed her arched foot, and kissed it, starting a trail of mouth caresses all the way up her smooth leg.

"Such grace and beauty you possess," he murmured to her as he touched his lips to her soft upper leg, thigh, vagina. He pressed his face into her warm, wet sex, inhaling her scent. She gasped, then let out a small giggle of surprise.

"Spock—"she started, her hands lightly pushing against his hair. He shrugged away from her fingers.

"I will taste you here," he interrupted, licking her labia. He _wanted_ to give her oral pleasure. She gasped, gripping the sheets with both hands. He ran his tongue along her entire sex, and she whimpered as her legs fell open. He traced deliberate circles around her clitoris, delighting when he felt her entire body tremble. She had a natural scent that reminded him of the cookies that were sold in the small café near his quarters. That smell was mixed in with her signature scent of Hawaiian sandalwood. Again and again, he tasted her, and finally he put his mouth over the tiny bud and sucked it. She screamed with pleasure, turning her face to the side as she arched her back. His lok throbbed impatiently. Enough. He felt satisfied that she was ready for penetration. She was wet now and he wanted to be inside of her. He pushed his pants down, and moved over her body. Her eyes fluttered open.

"I don't have a condom," Nyota whispered, running her hands over the muscles of his arms.

He was unsure of what her comment meant, so he paused. "Would you…like me to retrieve an additional form of contraception?" Spock asked her. "There is a corner shop near the shuttle station—"

She frowned slightly, shaking her head. "No, it's…I mean…I'm safe. And-and I'm taking a hypo every month. If you trust me—"

"I trust you."

"I trust you, too," she said softly.

Without another word, Spock pushed his entire erection inside of her, all the way. She gasped, raising her head slightly to look down between their bodies. Her brows furrowed slightly before she fell back against the pillows, her arms tightening around his shoulders. He lay on top of her, drawing his lok out slowly, then thrusting himself back inside of her harder than before.

"Oh, _fuck_…oh my _God_, Spock," she groaned. He reached down, hoisting her legs up around his waist so he could have all of her. He held her firmly as he again buried himself within her, stretching her to her very limit. They both moaned in unison at the feel of their complete closeness. There was no space between them; he could feel how rapidly her heart beat against his chest. His fingers dug into her soft flesh as he used her backside to steady the hard, repeated pumping into her. She gave another little scream of pleasure…possibly of shock at the way he felt between her legs. He could feel telepathically that she had never had anyone as large as himself. He wanted to know she was not in pain. He held himself still, wrapping his fingers in her hair. He pressed his face against her ear, kissing it. "Am I hurting you, Nyota?" he whispered.

"I can take it... I want it, I want you so much," she panted, pushing her body up against him, proving her words. With a grunt, he drove relentlessly into her, over and over. He took her as he would take a Vulcan mate. Recklessly, without abandon. She was human, but he was pleased she was able to endure his aggressive sexual nature. Her body made adjustments to handle his size, his strength. He could feel it. When she whimpered, he kissed her. From their bodies joining as one, he could feel the waves of desire coming from her, inside and out. She was not his mate, but he wanted to find a way to make it so. He slid deliciously into her, pinning her arms over her head to keep her in place. They made small sounds of pleasure, both of them. He filled her like a puzzle piece. He was complete. Spock released her arms, sliding an arm back around her waist, pressing his face against the soft skin of her neck. How could he tell her he loved her without saying the human words? He wanted her to know how special she was, preferably before he came. He was close.

"_Du sanoi va_. _Dungau-sarlah nash-veh va t'nash-veh_." (How you please me. I shall come in you. You shall belong to me.)

"_Va du t'nash veh?"_ (And you shall belong to me?")

Without giving it a second thought, he uttered, "Nyota…I will always be yours." Just then, her muscles contracted violently around him; her sudden orgasm brought his own crashing through him. He cried out her name, fisting her soft hair as he erupted inside of her body, filling her completely with his seed.


	4. Chapter 4

**NYOTA**

_0700 hours. _

Neither of them had moved much. All Nyota knew was that she had never, _ever_ experienced _anything_ like what they had just engaged in. Sex with this man was…absolutely crazy- but in a way that was thrilling. He was so good in bed it scared her. She found herself thinking possessively over him, like she didn't want anyone else to know. She thought of Nurse Chapel. She could believe that Christine had been left broken hearted, if she'd had a taste of what Spock had to offer and then Spock had rejected her. She huffed in disgust at the thought of him giving himself to anyone else. He cupped her face, kissing her. Which led her to another thing about Spock; because he could touch her and know what she was feeling, every need was met sexually. His manhood was totally unique. It had a curve to it, so every thrust rubbed against her G spot. It had seemed to expand once he was inside of her. Nyota felt as if she'd spent the entire session coming. Wave after wave after wave of pleasure, more sighs and moans and screams and gasps than she'd ever dreamed of. Her throat was raw, her lips were raw, her body felt deliciously numb. It was ridiculous that she'd been denying herself such intense pleasure out of pure fear of rejection. How did he do it? How could this man be so serious and distant during the regular schedule of his day and so full of white hot passion and tenderness when you got him alone? Even now, when she could barely raise her head off the pillow, let alone her body, he was still touching her, pulling her close, pressing his mouth against the parts of her body most near his lips. Their legs were entwined, his hand was stroking her skin, damp with sweat and his semen starting to dry on her thighs. She didn't care.

"My legs are so numb," she laughed softly. "I think I may need a turbo chair."

"You have worked muscles unaccustomed to such vigorous sexual activity. The numbness will pass, Nyota."

She smiled. He was still a Vulcan scientist. She supposed that aspect of him would never change. "Tell me something about you I don't know," she said, playing with the fingers that were making lazy patterns on her arm.

"There is most likely much about me you do not know," he said.

"How many Earth girls were you with intimately before me?"

Spock turned his head to look at her. "You truly wish to know?"

"Yes," she lied.

"There were several." His eyes were intent on her. He was studying her, trying to understand her response. "And this makes you…envious."

She made a face. "That depends. How many of them did you love?"

His eyes searched her own. "Until meeting you, I could not say there was one who caused me to feel such a...conflicting emotion."

"Are you conflicted about your feelings for me?"

He paused, staring up at the ceiling. "I must admit having such a conversation is difficult. It is not a Vulcan's way to verbally express the manner in which we care for others. But I wish for you to understand...I _do_ care for you. Vulcans do not lie. You are…unique. There is something about you that makes me think differently about many things. I sincerely hope you believed me when I told you that I will always be yours."

"You'd better be," Nyota said. "I was telling the truth too. I trust you. I love you."

He lifted a strand of her hair, twisting it between his fingers. "Your words are reassuring despite the known fact that love is difficult to describe. Humans use the word in such a casual manner."

"I don't use the word carelessly, Spock," she said softly, grasping his hand. "I don't believe love is something you can even define. Not really. You either feel that person in your heart or you don't."

"Your definition is vague."

She took a deep breath, bringing his hand up to her chest as she tried to explain. "When I would see you around campus, my heart raced inside. My stomach got all jumpy. If you looked at me during one of your lectures, I'd feel the same way. When I started leaving tea on your desk, I knew it would be the kind you would like because I paid attention to what you used to drink. Your voice changes when you talk to your mother on the comm. I noticed that. I notice everything about you. I think about you all the time. I want you be safe and happy, always. I would do anything to see to it that you were those things. I never want you to be hurt or sad. That's how I know what I feel is real."

Spock mused silently for a moment. "I too would have….a racing heart when I saw you. I too think of you always. I would risk all to protect you. I am beginning to understand such feelings now. I believe we have just defined love in our own ways."

"We have. And it's not so vague anymore, is it?" Nyota asked.

"It is not," Spock agreed.

"So what do we do now?" Nyota dared to ask.

"Coming out with our pairing would be illogical. I feel it best to be as discreet as possible until your graduation, perhaps a bit longer. Once you become a Lieutenant and you and I have been assigned star ships, we will face no repercussions about our relationship. We would be free to…love openly."

It sounded wonderful to her. "Okay," she said, kissing him. "Now that that's been established, I'm starving. Do we have time to eat before we have to send these PADDs off?"

"As a matter of fact, we do."

Spock cooked her a fried egg sandwich with a side of orange juice and an apple tart, and had tea for himself. She ate her breakfast wearing his robe.

"It is exceptionally big on you," he commented as he seated himself across from her at the small kitchen table. "Yet a garment that held no particular interest to me before is now appealing to me because you are wearing it."

She blushed, and slid her legs between his under the table, savoring the last moments of intimacy before they had to face the world again as instructor and student, nothing more.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The PADDs were redistributed to the students via hover mail, Nyota carrying the smaller of the two boxes that had to be taken to the campus distribution station. As her clothing made a round in the laundry refresher, she had taken a quick shower and had retied her hair in a ponytail. No one would have suspected she had spent the night with Spock, nor that they had spent the better part of the early morning having the best sex of her damn life. This was a good thing.

Spock actually lived a good distance from the Academy, so there was no real worry about them being seen together. Spock walked next to her on their way to the shuttle stop, but with enough space between them that no one would confuse their relationship for being lovers. She was burning to touch him, but she knew it was against the rules, and not just the Academy's rules. Hers and his. They hadn't talked completely about the dynamics of their new relationship. They had agreed they were in one, and she was glad about that, but the specifics still needed to be discussed. What would they do, for example, if they were both assigned to the same star ship? What if they were assigned different ships? He'd told her he would always belong to her. Was he expecting marriage? She knew that Vulcans were very big on commitment. But did the same rules apply to a half Vulcan? They were similar in a lot of ways…but there were also huge differences between them. There was still so much about him and his ways she didn't understand. The telepathy, for one. Did he know everything she was feeling all the time? Would he always know her every thought? Supposed she got mad at him? Supposed there were things she wanted to keep private?

Nyota glanced up at him, waiting patiently until the shuttle arrived. Despite her concerns, the real and the imagined, there was no denying that just looking at him was making her feel a thrill she couldn't possibly begin to explain. She wanted him, even now when they were amongst strangers. She had an urge to grab his hand, but she knew that would be totally unacceptable. She was afraid if she spoke, she would end up asking him to take her back to his quarters, so she said nothing.

While they waited quietly together amongst a few others, Nyota tried everything she could think of to extinguish the fire she felt for him; the way he had made love to her was all she could think about. Damn. He was looking at her in that way that made her insides jump, but for their best interests, she offered him a tiny smile before she looked away.

The shuttle was approaching quickly. Spock suddenly cleared his throat.

"_Dungi du ma khru?_" he said casually, as his eyes shifted from hers towards the now sliding open doors to her shuttle. (Would you have me tonight?)

Nyota's heart pounded in her chest. She fought another smile as she nodded. "_Ha_." (Yes.)

Passengers began to board the shuttle. Nyota glanced quickly at her new lover, but took a step away rather than towards him. Spock's back straightened, his arms behind his back. "Good afternoon, Cadet. Again, I thank you for your assistance in removing the malware from student computers."

"You are welcome, Commander. I'm happy everyone has a chance to make As on their finals." Nyota gripped her bag to keep from reaching for him. "Good afternoon, Commander," she said and boarded the shuttle without a glimpse back. She might not make it to class if she had looked into his eyes a second longer.


	5. Chapter 5

**NYOTA**

Normally, Nyota's Friday duties as a research assistant would involve work in the lab or teaching a class or two in Spock's place if he was busy. She'd been so relieved to have worked hard enough the previous three years to be able to create a generally laid back schedule for herself (course wise). All there was left to do in her final months before graduation was wrap up her linguistics and physics research with Commander Spock. Spock, who, as of earlier that morning, was now her lover.

After leaving him at the shuttle station, Nyota been grateful that she had the room to herself. She loved Gaila dearly, but she _wasn't_ ready to discuss what was happening with she and Spock just yet. Normally, she would not have discussed it with anyone, but Gaila was Orion and could smell pheromones from a mile away. She would have known in an instant that Nyota had been having sex, and probably that she'd been having sex with someone who wasn't all human. Especially since she was sure there were some sperm swimming around in her uterus. Gaila would have shrieked and chased Nyota around the quarters, demanding to know all the details.

_He went down on me. He fucked me until I couldn't walk. He promised he would always be mine. He asked me to come back tonight and nothing will stop me from being there, not even a god damn quake._

As if. She couldn't say those words out loud. She sighed happily just as her comm beeped, flashing a name becoming ever more familiar across the little screen.

"Commander," she answered.

"Nyota, I apologize for any inconvenience but I will require your assistance this afternoon with one of my classes," he said, always straight to the point.

"Ok. What do you need?"

"There are unexpected modifications necessary aboard one of the star ships and my assistance is required. I will need for you to administer an exam to Section 2 of Advanced Phonology at 1300 hours. If you would be able, I would appreciate their scoring into the course log," he said.

"I'll be there at 1300 hours. I can scan them in for you," she said.

"Instruct them to log on to the course site and click on the first link. I may be late working on the star ship, but it should not be past 1900 hours. We can reschedule our plans if you would like, or you may use my access code to wait in my quarters until I return. If you are amendable."

Nyota smiled, cradling the comm between her ear and shoulder as she pulled her boots off. "What _are_ our plans for tonight?"

Spock paused. "I thought you might be interested in learning Vulcan chess. I also learned of your musical background. Perhaps you will perform a solo for me. I play the lute, so I could accompany you."

He wanted to play chess and hear her sing? She would have imagined him saying they would get some dinner or watch a hologram; but she wasn't disappointed. This was different, but she liked it. He was different.

"It does not sound agreeable?" he asked her after she let out a giggle.

"It sounds amazing. I'll see you tonight. Don't worry about your class, I'll take care of everything, Spock," she said, smiling.

"I have no doubt in this matter, Nyota."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Since the stay was intentional this time, Nyota decided to pack toiletries and a change of clothes into the Starfleet issued duffel bag. She hoped it wouldn't seem too forward, but she couldn't stand the idea of waking up and not having anything to get the sleep from her eyes or being able to brush her teeth. With her cosmetics products, she could slip into his bathroom before he woke up and freshen up a little, aassuming there would be a next morning to freshen up for. Her comm was already going off with messages from friends wanting to meet up, hit local bars, dance until they dropped…but Nyota had her own plans.

A few of the messages were from Jamie, the guy she had sort of being seeing, i.e. occasionally sleeping with. Neither of them had expressed too much of an interest in commitment to each other, though Nyota hadn't been with anyone else since him. But Jaime didn't matter now. No one else mattered to her. There would most likely be post-graduation celebrations; what was she to tell other guys who hit on her? It wasn't exactly like she and Spock had put a label on their relationship. He had not said officially she was his 'girlfriend'. They had just claimed each other in the throes of passion. Maybe they would discuss it tonight. Or maybe he just wanted to screw again. She paused, halfway between putting her cutest pair of jeans into her bag. What if she'd slept with Spock too soon, and ruined everything? She knew that Vulcans were not like Earth men, but what is Spock's half human side had gotten used to expecting sex from women? He'd told her he'd slept with several women. What had happened with the 'several'? How many times had he fucked Christine Chapel before he stopped answering her calls? Was that even how he dismissed a woman once he'd had enough? Did he tell all those women that he would be theirs?

Nyota bit her bottom lip. She'd been through so much bullshit with the guys she dated, it was one of the reasons she'd determined to stay husband free. It was true, she wasn't expecting proposals from any of the others, and she didn't want that kind of life, but she didn't feel it was too much to ask to sleep with one woman at a time. She had a hard time trusting men, and she blamed Joseph Legion for that, after she'd lost her virginity to him and contracted a particularly nasty venereal disease a month after dating. He'd blamed her, of course, and refused to talk to her after she'd shown him the lab report. The experience had left a bitter taste in her mouth with men and sex. She'd sworn off sex for the rest of her First year and half of her Second year after that. She supposed Spock had a right to know her history. Didn't he? Had he ever gotten anything? Would he still want her if she told him about Joseph? Nyota let out a groan of confusion. She had fallen hard already, after one time with Spock. She didn't want to lose him before things had even gotten started. She should let him know they would not be having any type of sex tonight and see how he responded. If he got agitated or looked as if he was annoyed and stopped paying her attention, she'd accept her loses and thank her lucky stars that she only had a few months left at the Academy. And pray they didn't end up on the same star ship.

Her excitement was turning slowly to anxiety. Maybe she shouldn't go at all! She now wished that Gaila _was_ here to give her advice, or that she had a sister to call. She crammed the last of the things she would need into her bag and hurried out of her room to administer the exam to Spock's students. Halfway there, she realized that she shouldn't have brought the overnight bag if she wasn't planning to stay the night, but, it was better to be safe than sorry.

The test session took the full two and a half hours, after which Nyota collected the PADDs and had them transported to Spock's office. She headed to the top floor of the Science and Technology Building, where the professor's offices were and also where the research labs and computer console room was located. She collected the PADDs from the transporter box and started to make her way to one of the research labs, knowing it was bound to be deserted on a Friday night. On the way, she bumped into Dr. Cordova, one of the Physics instructors at Starfleet.

"Ah, good afternoon, Cadet Uhura!" he replied cheerfully. Nyota smiled and responded in kind. She liked Dr. Cordova and had, of course, made a A in his class back when she'd taken Physics.

"No doubt you've heard the news?" he asked.

"What news?"

"The Department Head has approved a select few professors and their teaching assistants to travel to Vulcan to collect artifacts for next year's classes and see about recruiting some of the younger Vulcans to attend school here. Apparently, Starfleet wants more students to master the Vulcan language, Dr. Richardson says too many students stop taking the Vulcan courses after Phase Two. I've already been asked to attend, and Landon said he could come. I'm surprised Mr. Spock hasn't told you yet. I'm almost positive he's attending, seeing as how is father is the Ambassador to Earth."

"Commander Spock hasn't mentioned it to me. He might be planning to go alone," Nyota said. "Or maybe he plans on taking someone else-"

"Nonsense," Dr. Cordova chucked. "Matter of fact, I can't think of too many other Fourth Years who speak Vulcan and High Vulcan as well as you do. That and you've been the only assistant he's had that's stayed on with him longer than a few months. I don't see how you do it, to be honest. Is the man even capable of everyday conversation?"

_And then some,_ thought Nyota. She cleared her throat, however, and in a haughty tone, declared, "He may not be the most social being I've ever met, but let's face it, he wasn't asked to teach at Starfleet at the age of twenty four _without_ the normally required doctorate degree just for standing there!"

Dr. Cordova appeared stunned for moments, and then he pat her shoulder as a means of bidding her farewell. "Well, you have a good weekend. Hope to see you on Vulcan soon."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Nyota finished grading and uploading all of the exams from Section 2 and then decided to head over to Spock's quarters early. She punched the code in for the first time in the almost two years she'd had it, and dropped her overnight bag off, then headed back out to do some shopping. It was amazing how natural it felt to do this, just casually pop by and leave a few of her belongings. He trusted her. He must have trusted her for a while. This was the good thing about waiting a few years before doing…whatever it was they were doing…there was time to build up an intimacy that had nothing to do with sex. She had his personal quarters code. It could only mean he was thinking about her the way she had been thinking about him, even back then. As she sat aboard the shuttle, she covered a girlish giggle with her hand. She was in love, for the first time in her life. It felt amazing.

Her first stop was a small plaza with several clothing, perfume and shoe shops. She went into several, searching for just the right outfit for her first official date. The weather was in the 60s, not exactly hot, but they had planned to stay indoors from what he had said earlier. He, like herself, was from a naturally hot location; his apartment temperature reflected that. It was probably another reason they worked so well at Starfleet together; she never complained about the 80° thermostat in his work office. She decided she would have a dress, then spent the next hour trying on different ones. She ended up loving a light blue cotton dress with small patterns of red flowers, the straps delicate and made with matching light blue colored lace. Next, she chose a large bar of soap in her favorite perfume, a Hawaiian scent that not everyone knew about (she hated wearing the same thing as everyone else), skipping the perfume because she already had a bottle packed her overnight bag. She had sandals, so she didn't need shoes. What next?

Dinner, of course. You couldn't have a date without a meal. Nyota could cook for him, for them both. Her mother had made sure she knew how to master at least eight basic meals before she'd left home for college. She knew several vegetarian ones, so it was settled where she would go next- the Farmer's Market for fresh vegetables.

While there, she roamed aisle after aisle, wondering what Spock would like best. He'd told her that he was a vegetarian, so that narrowed down what went into her paper bag. "I need to make something for a Vulcan. Any ideas?" she asked the grocer next to the eggplant. His eye lit up as he ushered her towards the green peppers and tomatoes. "I've got _just_ the thing," Tim, as the name stated on his badge, said. He helped Nyota a great deal, shoving her bag full of eggplant, kale, carrots, potatoes, peppers, tomatoes, spinach, peas, spices- all the things she would need to make a savory soup.

"Dinner's covered. So what's for dessert?" Tim asked.

Nyota made a face. "Well, I'm not sure. I know that he hates chocolate. Well, he might not _hate_ it, but he never eats it—"

"It would make him drunk. Peppermint too. Which sucks unless, of course, you're trying to _seduce_ him…?" Tim said, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Oh, no," Nyota said, giggling. Again. "We're…um...taking things slow. I didn't know that, about the chocolate. Peppermint, too? Wow. Yeah, no, I'll settle for some of this chamomile tea."

She paid for everything with a quick scan of her PADD, and sat down on the bench to wait for the shuttle back to his quarters. It was very near 1800 hours and she did want to shower and change into her dress before he got back.

Once back inside his quarters, she set her hair on hot rollers, large enough to create soft, feminine loops. Next, she chopped the vegetables and slid them into a big pot. She added water, chicken broth and spices, set the stovetop to low, then went to the shower to bathe. Once out, she pulled on her new dress, hugging her in the right places. She stuck her tongue out at her reflection, pushing her breasts up, wishing they could be bigger, but she supposed what she had was enough. They were proportionate to her body. She did her makeup, light enough not to leave too much of a mess on his collar, but enough to make a difference.

Nyota was just pulling the last roller out of her hair when she heard the door open. Her stomach flip flopped in her chest. She would have to get used to the feeling, that nervous excitement from being around him. They desperately needed to have that talk.

She came out of his bathroom in her bare feet, and bit the corner of her lip, feeling shy, giddy. He was putting his bag down at the door.

"I apologize. I am late," he said. He stood right where he was, and so did she. His eyes swept over her, but he made no advances. Maybe he was feeling a little shy as well.

"It's okay," she said. "I cooked, in case you were hungry. It's meatless. It's, um, a vegetable soup."

"Thank you, Nyota," Spock said. Now he moved slowly towards her, stopping close so that his chest touched her breasts. His hand reached for her hair, turning a lazy curl between his fingers. Her breath caught in her throat, her eyes glued to his face.

"You are…exquisite," he whispered. His eyes lowered to her mouth, then flickered back up to her eyes.

"Thank you," she said, and forgot about the talk she was supposed to be having as she stood on her toes and kissed him softly. His arms wrapped around her. It wasn't long before his hands were all over her, crushing her body against his. That was all it took to make her wet, to turn her all the way on. She turned her head to kiss him harder, twisting the material of his shirt in her fingers. She just wanted to rip all his damn clothes off. They stumbled backwards against the wall in pure lust, desperate to join their bodies.

"You...I can't help myself with you," Nyota gasped against his lips as they made their way past his living room. "I can't stop…"

"Then do not, my lovely one," Spock whispered.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

He took her from behind, his hands gripping the soft flesh of her bottom, never sliding completely out of her before yanking her roughly back over his long, hard cock. His cool sheets fisted in her hands as several cries erupted from her lips. Spock could have her any way he wanted; he could have her all night. Rigid, deliciously punishing stroke after stroke left Nyota breathless until she felt it coming, yet another crest, the beginning of what must have been her third orgasm. She was drenched with sweat- his, hers, both of theirs, so much so she could feel it rolling over her neck, down her body. He was intuitive while he was loving her, and right before she screamed with pleasure, he pulled her body up, a strong, hot arm wrapping across her breast and stomach. He gripped her hair with his free hand, tilting her face back to kiss her hard as he slid one hand down between her legs, pinching her clit between his fingers as he pressed himself as far as he could within her, considering the position they were in. "_OhGodohGodohGod!_" she screamed as she came hard. The world spun in circles around her, sun and moon and stars. She was everywhere and nowhere at once. He held her, still and tight, as he released completely within her. Her legs trembled, whether from the position or final waves of passion or both. In a fluid motion, Spock pulled them both down onto his sheets, cradling her against him in their shared world of alien and human being, of strange yet beautiful confusion and certainty.

"I love you, Spock," Nyota whispered. She wanted him to know, whether it was too early or not. He _had_ to know.

He said nothing, but his eyes changed; somehow, someway, she was able to read him there, and in the secret linguistics of the world they shared, he gave his reciprocity of her feelings in the language she was learning to speak so well.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Nyota hadn't intended on falling asleep, yet when her eyes next opened, a robed Spock was sitting in the chair across from the bed, the stringed instrument he'd called a Vulcan lute in his hand. He was singing softly, but stopped when he noticed her watching him.

"I disturbed you," he said, setting the lute down.

"Not at all," Nyota said, smiling. "I can't think of anyone else I'd rather see when I first open my eyes." She sat up quickly, thinking of the soup she'd worked so hard on. "Oh, no, our dinner—"

"Do not worry, Nyota. The soup you prepared was removed from the stovetop. Would you like me to reheat it now?"

It was definitely going to take some getting used to, the way he was so reserved after sex. Maybe it only felt mind blowing to her. Maybe on Vulcan, this was how they did things all the time, in bed.

Their talk! She groaned.

"You are in pain, Nyota?" he asked, coming to the bed. He did not touch her, but his eyes showed a hint of worry. She had to remember to always look there if she needed answers to what was in his heart.

"I'm not. I just…I wasn't planning to get right to it, the sex, I mean. I had wanted to talk first. Eat first. And sing our songs," she said with a small laugh. She wrapped the sheet around her chest. She could see several of her natural curls tumble in front of her face. They had sweated her flat ironed hair into total reversion.

"It is not yet 2200 hours. As neither of us appear to mind nocturnal activities, there is still time for all of it, if you wish," he said.

"Yeah. Otherwise, this hasn't been much of a date."

"I am uncertain as to what you mean."

"I…never mind. It's a woman thing," Nyota said, waving her hand. She should have had no problem voicing her opinions. She had always done so, and she had done so in particular with him. But now she found herself hesitating where she should be open. It confused her. Spock turned his head casually to the side, the way he did when thinking. He glanced at her hand. "May I?"

Nyota huffed some hair from her eyes. "You want to read my thoughts?"

"Only with your permission. It may be easier to communicate…until we establish more of a…a bond."

Nyota nodded. "Okay."

He touched her fingers, and there came a light buzzing, surging through her. Something in her mind clicked open until she ceased seeing her surroundings in present time and started seeing things in what reminded her of a hologram. Flashes of sound, of light and color danced before her. Here was Christine Chapel, scowling at her as she came out of Spock's office carrying a stack of PADDs. The other faceless nameless women Spock had told Nyota about, ones she didn't know of. She saw herself crying over her lab results when Joseph had given her a venereal disease (oh, shit, not that, please don't see it!), but wait…there was another woman here, one Nyota did not recognize from campus. Was she…like Spock? In her mind, Nyota thought she glanced the same pale green flesh tone, the same pointed ears, but then the woman quickly disappeared, leaving Nyota to see herself picking out her clothes for tonight, cooking with care, smiling at the beating of her heart, anticipating Spock's return. She could feel love, literally feel it. There was lots of it, but there was also the fear of being hurt. Then darkness.

The buzzing slowly subsided as Nyota blinked several times. "Whoa...That was very cool," she said, and started to smile, when she remembered that thought she _hadn't_ wanted him to see. Her face grew hot with shame. "I—I meant to tell you about the infection I got. It was my first year, and I was _fully_ treated. I swear, I haven't had an outbreak since then, I just—"

"It does not matter," Spock said gently. "It changes nothing between you and I."

Her heart skipped a beat. He knew the worst thing about her, and he still wanted to be with her. She thought for a moment she might cry, but gathered her wits about her, and didn't.

"You are still apprehensive," Spock said. He looked as if he wanted to say something, but Nyota pulled her hand back gently. "The fear you saw…I just get scared that we may find that we're too different to be a normal couple," she said with a sad chuckle.

"We are different. But our hearts, as a matter of fact, are the same," Spock replied. He leaned in to kiss her, leaving his hand against her cheek. "May the gods of Vulcan forsake me if ever I lay with another. You need never worry of where my loyalty lies." He placed a hand against her chest, over her heart. "It is here. I am here. Forever." He took her hand, and placed it on his side. His heart. "You are here. Forever. Vulcans do not lie. Do you understand?"

Nyota had thought, some time ago, that the only words she'd ever wanted to hear Spock say was I love you. How wrong she had been.


	6. Chapter 6

_AN: I'm just making stuff up here about the Vulcan "rules" for mates and bonds. I may have gotten things right, but most likely not because I didn't investigate. Therefore, if you are a stickler for the way things were really done according to the world of Gene Roddenberry, please don't read any more of this. _

**SPOCK**

Spock surprised himself in his growing impatience for Nyota's graduation so they could register with the Federation as a couple. Vulcans were extremely private about their personal lives, but they did not lie. Though he and Nyota were not lying about their relationship (not exactly), it was still a subject Spock had to avoid. This bothered him. Vulcans did not have secrets and Spock did not wish to keep Nyota a secret.

Over the years, he had developed and maintained a friendship with Captain Christopher Pike, a man he knew well and respected. Captain Pike had recently been promoted to the Enterprise, the newest star ship at the Academy, and he had asked Spock a few days ago if he would mind becoming his First Officer. It meant having to take a leave of absence from teaching at the Academy, and the newest star ships were expected to begin their explorations first, and for the longest periods of time after selecting their crew, yet Spock had accepted. He had accepted in part because he was planning to nominate Nyota as the Communications Officer, and felt certain that Captain Pike would agree. He was a reasonable human and took Spock's advice seriously. The fact that there was no one more qualified surely guaranteed he and Nyota being together for the five year missions.

Sometimes, Captain Pike convinced Spock to take a break from his often strict schedule and come out to the local bars for "drinks". Spock, who did not get drunk on typical earth beverages, would watch the Captain would guzzle down one pint after another until he became red in the face and began slurring his speech, a sure sign he had exceeded his consumption limit. Slurring, red faced Captain Pike always steered the conversation to women, wanting Spock to tell him who he was interested in, what females he found attractive.

"I just can't believe you don't get any urges at all. Of all the attractive women running around Starfleet, and you just…I mean, there must be _someone_, buddy," Pike chided him. "Come on, you always get so weird when I mention women-"

"I am inclined to disagree. I believe we have had precisely twenty four discussions regarding women and your desire to know my sexual history with them, to which I denied informing you, all twenty four times," Spock said as he sipped a frothy beer. It was the most tolerable of the alcoholic beverages he had sampled since being on Earth. While he did enjoy the taste of Kahlua mixed drinks, he knew better than to consume it, as it caused inebriation, which he had discovered the first summer he had come to Starfleet. One excruciatingly long evening spent clinging to the edge of his dorm bed as the room spun round and round while he vomited up green slime had been enough to convince him to steer clear of _anything_ containing chocolate.

"Your assistant, the pretty one with the long hair. What's her face…Cadet Yoohoo? All that time she spends in your office and you've never tried to…you know…?" Captain Pike made a circular motion with his hands.

Spock stiffened. "If you are referring to whether or not I have directly approached Cadet _Uhura_ in suggesting that she and I become intimate, my response will most likely disappoint you. I have worked with her long enough to ascertain her exceedingly low tolerance for obnoxious attempts to gain her attention. Cadent Uhura would find such a proposition from someone she trusts on a professional level to be highly offensive," he said.

It was not entirely a lie. Nyota _would_ find it intolerable to be approached for sex by one of her Superior Officers. However, she had directly approached _him_ by kissing him first when she had thought him asleep, thus expressing _her_ interest in becoming sexually active. His willing reciprocation in no way indicated his wish to take advantage of her; there was not one facet of his being that was not involved or consumed with her.

"So you've never once thought about having sex with her?"

Spock choked into his beer. "Captain Pike, your blatant—"

But the Captain suddenly slapped his shoulder and roared with laughter. "The look on your face! Oh, Jesus! I was having a go with you, buddy. I know you would never cross that line. I'm just kidding around, Spock. Honestly, I'd get my ass fired if you even repeated that. So don't," he said, wiping some moisture from his eyes. He shook his head, chuckling again as Spock pondered silently the reasons why Captain Pike felt the need to shed tears over his "kidding around."

Vulcans did not "kid", particularly when it came to their personal relationships. Even if it had been acceptable for Spock and Nyota to be forward with their romance, Spock would never have discussed it with Captain Pike, or anyone else for that matter. Perhaps his mother, if she happened to make inquiries on a day when his schedule was lax.

It was simple. When Vulcans claimed a willing partner, they mated for life. A betrayal between bonded couples on native Vulcan was considered an egregious and unforgivable act, justifiable by death according to the Law of the People. In the time since Surak, nearly 99.3% of Vulcans practiced the strict purging of emotions, thus filtering out the common human emotions of jealousy, envy, lust, fear. Vulcans were a people of timeless, continued practiced control. Without it, they would cease to exist. Vulcans did not "cheat" on their mates. They did not lust after another once forming their Bond, nor was there any need for jealousy. The Bond was finite.

Because it had never occurred to Spock that Nyota might one day be his, he had not taken the proper precautions against his emotions in regards to her. He had not filtered his lust for her, his possessiveness over her, his undying loyalty. When such feelings had washed over him that first morning he had taken her, he had no practiced guard to stop them from coming. So they came. Spock had made his choice. Nyota, who had also chosen him, kissed him first, was his mate, and would so until death.

There were two problems present with this choosing. The first was that Nyota most likely had not considered herself making a lifelong commitment, one that only logically should result in marriage. With marriage would likely come children, and having a Vulcan child would be a difficult thing for any human female to follow through with due to the extreme changes in the bloodstream. Essentially, for Nyota to carry his child full term would mean poisoning herself from the inside out. It would be impossible for her to survive without medical assistance, as his mother had needed. There had not been much talk of it growing up, but Spock had gathered enough information to know that the process had been extremely difficult for his mother. It was foreseeable that Nyota would spend much of the pregnancy hospitalized, if they even succeed in their efforts to begin with. He and Nyota would more than likely suffer a miscarriage or two. It was only logical to assume this. There was a reason Spock was the only Vulcan-Human hybrid in existence; Vulcans did not mate with humans, because the possibility of a healthy live birth was illogical and unlikely. A Vulcan female body would incinerate every sperm within her body from a human male, and a human female's body would be unable to sustain the amount of copper entering the bloodstream as well as adequately tolerate the extreme growth of the alien fetus developing in a womb too unlike itself. Nyota, if lucky, would in all likelihood have but one Vulcan child. His mother had only been able to have him; it had taken such a toll on her body that after his birth, she had been incapable to have any more. Spock could not see Nyota, whose small frame was very much like that of his mother, having any more success with multiple Vulcan births than his mother.

The second more immediate problem was T'Pring, the Vulcan female to whom Spock had been partially bonded and engaged to since childhood. He had, of course, received the invite from Starfleet to travel to Vulcan in order to recruit more of his kind to attend the Academy. It was illogical for him to think Nyota would not find out he had been asked not only to attend, but to bring his Teaching Assistant. He had gently tried to dissuade her from going, not because he wanted to hide her, but because he would have preferred to discuss with her exactly who T'Pring was and explain the culture he had grown up in prior to a visit. Nyota, however, had been so excited about the prospect of visiting his home planet and meeting his parents that he had relented. He wanted to discuss so much with her, including the fact that his father would be upset over his choosing her as a partner.

How proud his father had been that day that Spock and T'Pring had been introduced, the daughter of a High Vulcan Senator, a highly desirable female with intelligence to match her beauty. Yet even as a child, Spock saw the cold disdain in her eyes as she gazed upon him that day. "Will he be…very…_human_?" she'd whispered to her mother, thinking Spock could not hear. The initial rituals for premature bonding were conducted, but Spock felt nothing in his heart, not even when she placed a kiss upon his cheek after their initial meeting at seven years old. She was obedient, doing as she was told by her parents, but she would not love him. This was clear. And he could not love her, for she had shown that she did not accept him fully for who he was. From the very beginning, their connection had been hazy. She was completely uninterested in leaving Vulcan, and had made no attempts to reach him whatsoever after he had left Vulcan to attend Starfleet. He had experienced his first Pon Farr at twenty, during his first year at the Academy. She should have come then and relieved him of his Fever, but she had claimed an illness herself and her mother had sent word that she would not be able to assist. Luckily, Spock had recognized the warning sings early enough, and with the skilled assistance of his grandmother T'Pau and Vulcan prescribed medication, he had overcome his ailment. The experience had left him with a clear understanding of his would be wife; she was unwilling to assist when he had been in need. He might have died if he had acted too late. Would she have cared? The answer was obvious.

As it was, Spock could feel himself approaching his second Pon Farr season as well as he could calculate an algebraic equation. There were little changes here and there- increased irritability, faltering concentration during his meditation exercises, and always the headaches in the beginning. Yet another issue of discussion with Nyota. He should not need medication this time, nor should he need assistance from his elders. He had an intimate partner. But would Nyota understand how deep his need would be? Would she be able to endure the often violence that came with intercourse during his fever? He would not be himself; much of the act he would scarcely remember. He would have her body however he saw fit, for however long his near madness lasted. A Vulcan female could match a mate during the Fever without question. What of a human? Spock dare not go to his mother to discuss such a deeply personal issue. She had been married to his father for over thirty years, and she was still seemingly pleased with her marriage. She had gone through numerous Pon Farrs, and she was still there to speak of it, should he ask. He would not ask. He knew that his parents always retreated to the East House during his father's time, and that they stayed gone for a few days. When they returned, Spock did not ask questions nor did his parents give answers. It only mattered that both of them returned from that East House every seven years, and he had seen his human mother do so ever since he could remember. Yet he could not base every human thing his mother did with what Nyota did. The two women were undoubtedly different people.

What was he to do? The trip to Vulcan was fast approaching, and Spock had said nothing of Pon Farr or T'Pring to Nyota. He had tried to talk with her about it several times, but something always managed to get in the way. He had expected her to ask questions during their brief mind meld a few weeks ago, when he had accidentally blended T'Pring into Nyota's thoughts, but she had not. Spock was certain she had seen his Vulcan bride during their meld, but he assumed that his lover's thoughts had been elsewhere that night. He was so enamored with her that instead of taking the opportunity to speak truthfully about the other woman, he had spoken truthfully about his feelings for her. He had spoken words that should have been reserved for an official wedding ceremony, to a promised mate, words he might have said to T'Pring in another life. But this was his life. Nyota was his life now.

The past few weeks sharing his life with her had changed him; he had not known before her what it was truly to love another person, a love that extended beyond what he felt for his parents. It was duty that a child loves his parents, the two people that brought one into the world, providing and guiding one until the time came to branch out alone. Spock had no duty to love Nyota; he saw her and his heart was lost to her, without warning or logical reasoning. Spock had found himself trying many times to understand why he was drawn to her, why he felt the need to investigate her file that first time they had met, why he was so willing to risk everything just for her touch.

There were no explanations, only the _feelings_. Nyota had given him that, the ability to simply _feel_.


	7. Chapter 7

_**AN: Hi everyone. Thanks for reading! Again, please note that if canon based facts/ages/dates are what you're looking for, this is **__**not**__** the story for you. When I say I made this story plot up, I mean just that. And yes, I am aware of all the sites that give information to the Star Trek world and the characters, but I obviously did not reference those sites here (with the exception of the VLD for when they speak Vulcan, and I know I made mistakes there, for which I am sorry). This is something I do for fun after my kids have gone to bed, and to me fun is letting go and seeing what comes out of my fingers as I type. Peace, love and happiness. **_

_**RIP James Gandolfini. This chapter's dedicated to you. **_

**NYOTA**

The Class NX Starship was one of the older models, but it would still make the four day trip to Vulcan a more comfortable one than the shuttlepods, in which the staff would have to sleep in bunks along the walls and take sonic showers. Using an outdated starship with only eight members headed to Vulcan meant that each professor and student would have their own quarters, complete with bathrooms. There were five men and three women, all of whom Nyota got along with well. The hardest part would be pretending not to show any particular interest in her boyfriend. It was always easiest to play things off when she threw herself into her work, so while Dr. Gentry directed the star ship, she worked with Landon, who was in her year and Amy, who was the year under, on their presentations. They also drilled each other on polite Vulcan phrases, which ended up being more of Nyota correcting their pronunciation, as she was so fluent it made no sense at all for her to practice.

"This is so exciting," Amy chirped. "Imagine our letters of recommendation if we actually succeed with this! I'm hoping for the Kelvin II. What about you guys?"

"Enterprise," Nyota and Landon stated in unison. They looked at each other and laughed.

"We'll do a great job. Just remember not to get offended if they don't crack a smile. It's not usually an accurate reflection of their feelings," Nyota said. Of course her thoughts drifted to Spock. She refused to let her eyes follow suit. For the past three days, she had avoided her Commander-and lover- as much as possible. One touch, one lingering look, and she'd be pulling him into her quarters and not giving a care who heard her screams of pleasure. That's what he gave her in bed, waves and waves and waves of pleasure. Her room was right next to Amy's, and on the other side, Dr. Cardova, so she knew Spock would not risk sneaking to see her at night. Besides, Vulcans didn't sneak. She knew that much. His quarters were actually a bit safer, as he was down near the ship's rear exit ramp, but she didn't dare. It would be just her luck that she'd bump into a witness at the wrong time.

"You would know better than anyone," Landon said. "He annoys the fuck out of most people, walking around like he's got a stick up his ass—"

"Hey!" Nyota interrupted before she caught herself. "That's not nice, he's just serious. It's his culture. You can't go to Vulcan thinking stuff like that, if they accidentally touch you, your thoughts will be open to them and they'll know. You'll blow this whole recruit."

Amy and Landon looked at her curiously. "They can read our minds? If they touch us? But how do you know that? Has he read _your_ mind?" Amy gasped.

Oh, shit.

"No, no, of course not. I read. Hello, it's a known fact that Vulcans are telepathic. You don't go to someone's planet and you don't know the first thing about their culture. There's no telling what kind of mistakes you might make that offend them," Nyota said. Amy and Landon exchanged looks.

"I honestly hadn't thought to read up on Vulcans. I just planned on going and answering any questions. Dr. Cardova told me most of them coming can speak English. He said to let him handle everything else," Landon said.

"Yeah, Dr. Whitefield told me the same thing," Amy said. They were looking worried now. Worried was better than suspicious. Nyota let out a sigh. "Look, I have some materials on my thumb drive. I can download it to your PADDs if you want. It might take me a second, because I think it's packed at the bottom of one of my bags, but it's not a problem for me to get it."

"Please. I didn't realize there were things like that. I can't screw this up," Amy said, turning pale. "You guys might have a better working relationship with your professors, but Dr. Whitefield is strict. If I don't get everything done and done right, I'll never get a letter that's worth a place on the Kelvin."

"Yeah, we definitely don't want to embarrass ourselves. It'd be great if you could find that zip, Uhura," Landon said.

"Alright. Give me a minute to go find my zip," Nyota said, pushing herself out of her swivel seat. She glanced quickly in the place where Spock usually was, standing in the Communications sector, but he wasn't there. Maybe he was meditating. The ship's locators had been disengaged since it wasn't an official mission, so she didn't know for sure. She just needed to stay away from him. It was safest. She continued down the hall towards her assigned room, punched the code in, and entered. The door slid open and shut behind her, and she went to her overnight bag to look for the tiny storage device.

Moments later, she was surprised to hear the sound of her door sliding open and closed again. Frowning, she came back out to the small entrance room. "Hello?" she called.

Spock was standing there.

"God, you scared me!" Nyota said, throwing a hand to her chest. A rush of adrenaline coursed through her.

"You have deliberately evaded me for seventy two hours," he said, crossing the room towards her. "Explain."

His hand came up to her face, and he leaned down to kiss her on the neck. Her eyes drifted closed as she stammered, "I—I didn't want to get us caught…I just thought it would be best to stay away—"

"A poor choice," he interrupted, gathering her in his arms before she could blink. He kissed her mouth suddenly, and though she didn't bother to pull away, she gasped, "Have you lost it? Anyone could have seen you come in here! I told Cadet Peterson and Wiggins I'd be right back!"

"And you shall," Spock breathed as he yanked her panties down. "After I have you." She felt him reaching to loosen his pants as he kissed her. Spock pulled her back, towards the small couch nearest them. Nyota clung to him, straddling him just as he sat down, shoving her skirt up high, and sheathed his cock completely inside of her.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Vulcan was a desert planet, yet it still managed to be a beautiful one. Nyota loved the tall, sleek designs of the buildings, stretching up as high as the eye could see. Hovercrafts and turbo bikes zoomed throughout the skies. The mountains in the distance helped to make the surroundings even more mesmerizing. It was exactly the way she'd pictured it—rustic, but at the same time, futuristic, ahead of the times. Vulcans were some of the most scientifically advanced humanoids in the Federation, and they often had devices and learning materials that were so far ahead than what was available on Earth.

"It's crowded. Almost like New York," Landon said as he helped unload some of the bags. Landon was from New York. "And _hot_."

Vulcan was certainly no San Francisco, where the temperature stayed an average of 60° year round, with lots of fog and rain. But the desert heat on Vulcan reminded Nyota of home. She smiled as she followed Spock into the tall building reading Science Hall 3B in Vulcan.

"Does that say Science Room?" Amy asked, coming up next to her.

"Very good. Except it's _Hall_, not _Room_," Nyota said.

"My father will meet us inside," Spock said. He glanced at Nyota and she lowered her head, fighting the urge to smile. She was nervous and excited to be meeting such an important man. Spock was showing no outwards signs of anxiety, but she knew him well enough to know he must be feeling something. He had spoken of the strain between himself and his father since his decision to attend Starfleet instead of Vulcan Science Academy a few times. Plus, she was here. How would he introduce her? Would he pull his father to the side later on and explain what was going on?

The huge double doors of the Vulcan Science Hall swished open, the air slightly cooler than outside, but not by much. Spock looked around as Vulcans of all sizes, shades, shapes and heights walked by, all in the traditional robes of brown, black and dark gray. Nyota was fascinated and was about to voice her excitement when she noticed Spock's demeanor. He appeared to stiffen. "My father is headed this way. He has brought company with him, unexpectedly," Spock stated.

Nyota and the rest of the company waited as a small group approached them. There were four Vulcans total, one being a strikingly beautiful woman, whom at first Nyota thought was Spock's mother, until she remembered that Lady Amanda was off planet until the next day.

"Greetings to you, my son," the tallest Vulcan said once he came to the group. Spock bowed partially. "Father," he responded. He turned to the group. "May I introduce my father, Ambassador to Earth. His First Commander Silek, and my Uncle. Sitar, renowned mathematician, also in my father's service," he said. Everyone from Earth said hello, and waited as Spock looked upon the only female Vulcan. He clasped his hands behind his back, avoiding eye contact with Nyota. Her heart started to pound in her chest. Something was wrong here.

"May I also present T'Pring, daughter of High Commander V'Las and his wife, Lady T'Paola, and my…my fiancé," Spock said.

_What the fuck? Did he just say fiancé?_

A wave of disbelief and rage simultaneously washed over Nyota. High Commander's daughter, which would make this T'Pring somewhat of a princess. She certainly looked the part, with her perfectly arched eyebrows, flawless pale green skin and glossy dark brown hair piled high, delicately pinned in place with diamonds. Nyota abruptly laughed aloud, ignoring the sudden stares from everyone. "Fiancé? Is that a _joke_?" she asked, shaking her head. Praying to God it was…he wouldn't do that to her…it was _impossible_…

The blood was rushing in her ears as T'Pring regarded her coolly. "Joke? Did you say joke? To suggest such a thing is illogical in the presence of the most elite of Vulcans. Neither I nor any Vulcan I know would ever dream of engaging in such a human gesture. I beg your pardon, but _Spockham_ and I have been engaged since the age of seven. Surely he has mentioned me to one he has worked so…_closely_ with," she said, her eyes quickly glancing over Nyota as if she were doing a full body scan. She knew. That superior acting heifer knew, somehow, she had sized them up in seconds. And her pet name for him, _Spockham_. The extra syllables, making the name a term of endearment. T'Pring had referred to him in a way that showed her relationship to Spock was above Nyota's. He'd just been fucking her. That had been it. Lies. It had all been lies.

The room began to spin. For a moment, Nyota thought she would pass out. She'd never wanted to cry so loud and hard in her life. If she did, however, _everyone_ would know. She and Spock would both face dismissal from the Academy. This was neither the time nor the place for her to be emotional.

Nyota went into autopilot as she let out a short, dry laugh. "Actually, he didn't mention you at all, not even _once_," she said, looking directly into T'Pring's eyes. She could be a coy bitch too. "But then Spock has been known to be extremely secretive when it comes to matters of a personal nature. If you were at all important, none of us would have known it."

She did not even look at Spock; she couldn't or her façade would erupt before she could count to three. She could feel his eyes on her, burning into her skin.

"Oh, Cadet Uhura is right!" Dr. Cardova interjected, oblivious to what was going on. "In fact, I'd worked with the man two years before I even knew his birthday was the same day as mine! Never said a bloody word!" The humans in the group chuckled, and the moment of awkwardness passed.

"I hope you do not fault my son for his restrictions on idle chatter. It is not the way he was raised," Ambassador Sarek said. He began walking towards the large doors down the hall. "If you all would be so kind as to follow me to the auditorium. We will set up here for the recruitment for tomorrow morning."

"Excuse me, I'm going to the restroom. I'll catch up," Nyota whispered to Amy.

Amy gave her a puzzled look. "You okay, Nyota? Your skin is turning all…_blotchy_, wow, girl. I mean, you look _bad_. Is it this climate? Do you want me-"

"Yes, I mean, no. I mean, it's that _time_…I think I just started my monthly visitor and I have got to get to the restroom now. Go, you don't want to make a bad impression. Tell them I'll be along in a minute, please," Nyota said, forcing another fake laugh. Amy nodded in agreement and hurried after the group. Nyota whirled around and dashed for the closest room she could find, which turned out to be a control room of some sort. She didn't care. It was dark and empty, just like her world felt right now. She slid to the floor, and wept violently into her hands. She had never felt more humiliated, so stupid…so betrayed in her entire life. How could he do it? All the things he had told her…

She swallowed a thick sob, then leaned forward as another wave of anguish claimed her. She thought of T'Pring, how beautiful she was, how she was exactly like Spock. Of course they would be engaged. They made more sense. T'Pring was fucking Vulcan royalty, same as Spock. Yes, Nyota's family was prestigious as well, but the differences between them; it was exactly as she'd feared. The worst part was, she was not in a place where she could mourn. And she was here for the next three days. She allowed herself a few more moments to cry, then finally stood. Too much longer, and it would be obvious something was wrong, and obvious that Spock was the cause of it. She would not allow him to ruin her chances at graduating from Starfleet. She would not, she would not, _she would not._ She took a few deep breaths, and dug in her bag for her mirror. She didn't need it to tell her she looked awful. Her eyes were bloodshot and red, her face was blotchy, just as Amy had said, and now her mascara had run down her face, leaving unsightly streaks down her cheeks. She would have to find a restroom before she set foot in the auditorium.

A kindly Vulcan showed her to a public lavatory, and she freshened her clothing and her makeup. She would completely avoid Spock as much as she could for the duration of the trip. It was the only way she would survive this weekend.

She was able to slip back with the group, who had dispersed and was busy setting up tables for the presentation tomorrow. Her classmates were with their professors, but Spock was still talking with his father and T'Pring. Fighting another wave of hurt, she went right to Landon and Dr. Cardova's table.

"This may have been a bad idea, especially if they are as dry as that little crew," Landon hissed under his breath. "Can you imagine how sorely those Vulcans will stand out at Starfleet? Raised not to make small talk? I mean, what the hell, excuse my French, Dr. Cardova."

"But imagine the revenue the department would get. They are exceptional scientists, you've got to give them that. One of the students we're really trying for is only sixteen years old. Well, sixteen in Vulcan years, that is," Dr. Cardova said.

"Male or female?" Nyota asked as she attached the clips for the projector onto the screen behind the table. She needed to keep busy.

"Male. Cadet Uhura, you don't have to do that. But, if you are trying to avoid hanging around Spock's family, I understand perfectly. What a snotty bunch. His mother is supposed to be a little nicer, but she's off planet until tomorrow. Though, I must say, I am absolutely floored that Spock would have such a beautiful fiancé. No wonder he never gave women on Earth the time of day," Dr. Cardova chuckled.

Nyota dropped one of the charts she was looking at to the floor, unable to keep her fingers from trembling.

Landon picked it up for her. "You're shaking. You know what, I'm jittery too. I think we need to eat. It's taking a toll on us, this climate change."

"Food would be great," Nyota said. "I am starving, actually. But I'm sure Spock will have a thousand things to do before I can even get a cup of water."

"Can't you talk to him, Dr. Cardova? Don't let him work Nyota to death. She's done enough," Landon said.

"Oh, yes, of course. We're almost done here, everything else can wait until the morning. The presentations are already loaded. Besides, this is Spock's home planet. I'm sure he's staying with his parents. He's looking this way, perhaps you should go over, see if he minds you stepping off for a bite. His entourage is gone now," Dr. Cardova said. "I'm headed back to the room to change. Landon?"

"Oh, yeah, me too," Landon said. He looked wistfully at Nyota. "The sooner you complete his tasks, the sooner you can hang out."

"Okay," she said. She swallowed the lump in her throat as they walked out of the auditorium. She would have to do this eventually. She had no choice. Head held high, she walked over to the table where she and Spock would be spending a very uncomfortable day tomorrow. Their platform was close to Amy and Dr. Whitefield but not close enough. Nyota desperately wished Amy would stop talking to her leading professor and catch her eye so she could escape, but Amy was doing no such thing. In fact, it looked as if they were having some sort of computer issue.

"_Sos_ s_tarpa'shau, Nyota_," Spock said in a forceful whisper, as he pulled items out of his portfolio. (Let me explain, Nyota.)

"_Kroykah. Vu nash veh dor tor. Tu kin'rer,"_ she said bitterly. (Enough. You have dishonored me.) She wiped her eyes quickly, and refused to look at him. She busied herself making sure they had access to any outlets and chargers they might need for their presentations, fighting all the while to keep from having a meltdown. Not here. Not here.

"_Ni'droi'ik nar-tor. Ni mokh stariben kosu vu du."_ (I am so sorry. I meant to speak of her with you.)

"_Dva-tor fan-vel tu vak__," _she whispered, blinking back tears._ "__Ni shaht tu._" (I believe nothing you say. I am finished with you.)

Spock inhaled sharply, and Nyota finally did it, looked at him. It didn't last long, because her vision blurred heavily with tears. She ached inside, and she couldn't control it. Yet, she couldn't do this, stand here and let everyone see her crying. She had to get out of here, away from him. He could write her up or refuse her a letter of recommendation, but she could not stay to help him one additional second. She walked quickly away from him, knowing he would not, could not, follow.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

After a few failed attempts at finding cuisine that everyone in the party would find edible, they gave it up as a bad job and stayed at the hotel for dinner. The restaurant specialized in serving some of the more common Earth foods since the hotel was a common one for holding intergalactic meetings. Spock was not there to join them, and Nyota had been relieved. She really hadn't even worked up an appetite, but jumped at the chance to head to the bar with Landon when he'd stated he wasn't ready to go to his room yet. Drinks sounded perfect to Nyota, and while she tried her hardest to convince Amy to join them, Amy had refused.

"I've got to brush up on my Vulcan. You don't have to worry about making a fool of yourself tomorrow, you speak as well as they do," Amy had said, and rushed off to her room clutching papers and her PADD against her chest.

Nyota and Landon sat at a small table, chatting about nothing in particular. She tried her best to enjoy his company, downing the heavy Vulcan alcohol until her brain felt it was swimming. Even after she realized that she was drunk, she couldn't call it a night. She didn't want to return to that room where she'd expected to be in bed with Spock. There would be nothing in that bed against her body tonight except sheets. Her heart was shattered in a million little pieces. She was so grateful that Landon was making her laugh, though, and he was a doll, with his curly blond hair and striking green eyes. She wanted to forget, that was all she wanted to do, was take her mind of this entire day, her entire life.

"Seriously…did you see that great Ambassador's face when I asked him about football?" Landon snickered. "I mean, I may not be as fluent as you, but I know I didn't screw up the phrasing that badly!"

"You said hitman. Have you ever played hitman, that's why he didn't understand," Nyota said, burping behind her hand. "Excuse me," she said, and they both burst into laughter. With much effort, Nyota pushed herself out of the seat in the lobby overlooking the now sparsely lit Vulcan desert view.

"Come on," she said to Landon. "Let's blow this joint."

They linked arms and staggered towards the turbo lift. Landon pressed the floor for 12 and then leaned back against the wall, closing his eyes. Nyota studied him in her drunken stupor. He _was_ very cute. He reminded her a little of Jim Kirk, the mischievous yet super smart classmate of theirs who was after a ship of his own.

She could do it, just get naked with Landon and forget about Spock. He'd been nothing but nice since they'd met and he'd been her saving grace so far on this trip. It would be good for her. It would give her something to talk about with Gaila when she returned.

"I'm so fucked up right now. All I want to do is take you to my room and get you out of those Vulcan robes," Landon slurred when the turbo lift popped open on his floor. He blinked, rubbing his eyes. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I told you, I'm fucked up. I shouldn't have said that."

"It's okay. I'm not offended, Landon," Nyota said, giggling. They took casual steps until they reached his room at the end of the corridor.

"Good. I don't wanna piss you off. I remember the way you took that dummy's head off in basic training first year. Clean fuckin' off with one roundhouse kick," he said. Nyota remembered, and she let her head fall back as she laughed. She felt a cool sensation against her throat. Landon had kissed her neck.

Her head snapped back up. "No restraints at all, huh?" she asked.

"I'll probably regret it in the morning. It's just that you're so hot," he said, blushing. He leaned in towards her, and she smiled as she kissed him. It was nice. She was drunk, and he wasn't Spock, but she needed this, someone, anyone to make her forget this entire horrid trip. It didn't matter who it was at this point. She was about to tell Landon that they should go into his room as opposed to standing in the doorway when suddenly, she felt herself being yanked back.

"Hey—"she shouted as her eyes flew open to the sight of Spock glaring at her, at them both.

"You are _both_ out of order. How dare you display such tasteless acts when you are guests on my home planet? Your behaviors are entirely inappropriate."

What was he even doing here? Wasn't he supposed to be at his father's house? Anger took over. She took a step towards Landon, stumbling. "Let's just go inside your room, Landon. Commander in Chief here has a problem with our affections."

Spock's glare stopped her cold. "Do not forget, Cadet Uhura, that you are not yet a Lieutenant. You are still under my jurisdiction. I am responsible for you while we are off planet and your curfew remains until your graduation next month. Cadet Peterson is also under curfew. You will both report to your rooms now or you will be suspended for your behaviors upon our return to Starfleet. A shame that will mean you will be attending hearings as opposed to learning of your placements aboard star ships."

Landon's face turned white and he saluted, then said, "S-s-see you, Uhura. I'm going in." Before Nyota could say another word, Landon flew into his room, slamming the door.

Nyota huffed, and spun on her heel, heading back towards the turbo lift.

"Do not turn your back to me, Nyota," she heard Spock say.

She ignored him. "Fuck you, Commander," she said over her shoulder. She had just reached the turbo lift when he was suddenly behind her, seizing her arm. She was so caught off guard that it wasn't until he had practically thrown her inside that she found her voice again. "Are you out of your mind? You don't tell me what to do! And to threaten me with-"

"_You_…I cannot believe…" he hissed. "…after all we have…and you let that contemptible unworthy male put his mouth on you. I am disgusted!"

She slapped him as hard as she could across the face.

"Don't talk to ME about being disgusted. _You're_ unworthy! You're fucking ENGAGED, and you never breathed a word of it to me! You knew about her the entire time, and you lied to me. You USED me! You made a fool out of me, and I hate you," she shouted. She raised her hand to hit him again, but he caught her wrist effortlessly.

"You have ignored every message I have sent. You would not answer your comm. I have tried repeatedly to contact you. You know this. You have not allowed me to explain," he said, his voice a low growl.

"There is _nothing_ to explain! You knew exactly what you were doing," she said angrily. Tears flew as she jerked her arm free. Spock turned and pounded the emergency button from the panel. The turbo lift came to an abrupt stop. He backed her into the corner of the turbo lift, his arms encasing her on either side. Her stomach fluttered as she met his eyes, so cold, so angry.

"Answer this. Had I not followed you and seen you with Cadet Peterson…would you have given yourself to him?"

"What if I hadn't come to Vulcan? Would I ever have known about her? When is the wedding, Spock? Right after I graduate? How convenient for you, isn't it? You fucking hypocrite and liar—"

She tried to attack him again, and they scuffed briefly until he grabbed her arms, pushing her up against the wall of the turbo lift. She gasped, and if she hadn't known better, she could have sworn he was seconds away from striking her.

"Would you have given yourself to him? _Answer_ me!" he shouted.

That's all he was concerned about. Her sleeping with another guy. Never mind what _he_ had done. She shook her hair out of her eyes, breathing heavily. "You're so concerned about a stupid kiss, but you're the one who has been promised to another woman since childhood! But I guess you figured I wouldn't have slept with you if I knew about her, right? So you figured it best not to tell me, didn't you? I don't trust you anymore, I don't believe a word you say! I made a mistake in ever dealing with you! You want to know what I would have done with Landon? I would have begged him to take me to his room and fuck me senseless. Now get your _alien_ hands off of me!"

His eyes widened with surprise before pooling with tears that seemed to appear out of nowhere. One, two, and then several more escaped from eyes she had only recently learned to read. She had hurt him, as she had wished to do. She had brought him to tears. She'd never have believed it if she hadn't been there to see for herself. She blinked, not sure what to do as his hands dropped to his sides.

He backed away from her as if she were a disease, giving a small nod. "I see."

Spock turned from her. She saw a tear splash against his hand as he flipped the emergency switch and the turbo lift lurched back in motion. "We _have_ made a mistake."

Nyota felt her world begin to crumble, but she wouldn't let him off so easy. "You're goddamn right we did. One I regret with every cell in my body. I _hate_ you. Do you hear me? _I hate you_. I will _never_ talk to you again. You're as good as dead to me. Don't you _ever_ say another word to me again in your life," she said as tears of her own slipped from her eyes.

When the doors to the lift opened, he walked out without a glance back.

And just like that, they were over.


	8. Chapter 8

**SPOCK**

_VULCAN, EAST HOUSE, 2253.154_

_Nyota,_

_This marks the first time in my life I have written a letter to someone by hand. I selected the lavender color because you told me once it was your favorite. The pen I write with is yours. Do you remember that day you left it on your work desk one afternoon and when I offered it back to you the next day, you refused it, saying you had several like it at home? "Don't ever say I never gave you anything," were your exact words, and then you smiled up at me. I saw your face deepen in color, indicating what I denied to myself as being a blush. I wanted to kiss you that day. I remember this precisely because it was the first time I accepted fully that I had fallen in love with you. You made me feel something I had only heard described in poetry, or seen and thought illogically of in holograms on the rare occasions I gathered at Earth functions. Such a feeling could not exist for me, I thought, because I must try harder than the average Vulcan to be exactly that—a Vulcan. Purged of all emotion. You changed that for me, Nyota. You showed me how very real love is, and for that, I will always be grateful. _

_I began to send you emails and messages to your comm, but it was my fear you would ignore or erase them. This letter to you is the most important because it will be my last. There is an affliction that occurs every seven years to all Vulcans, both male and female, and unless we are able to join physically with our mates, we are overcome either mentally or physically. I held out as long as my body would allow, but I grow weak. The normally operational meditations or healing methods have given me no relief, and in my final conscious stages of my affliction, I have accepted that my time will soon come to an end. I have lost you. I have lost all. You are my mate, the one I have chosen to be with until death. I will uphold that vow I made to you that day when I swore by all the gods I would be with no other. _

_What I wished to explain to you about T'Pring is that we have not spoken since I came to Starfleet. We have never been intimately involved. The arrangement was one set up by our parents many years ago, as it is common practice on Vulcan to arrange the marriage of their children. T'Pring and I shared no plans to marry and start a family on Vulcan, we had no common love between us. She chose another and so did I. We decided at the recruit to mutually end our betrothal and she became engaged shortly after I returned to Earth. Even had she wished to continue the betrothal, I would have requested a release from it. She is not nor could ever be the One. Only you could be that One. Always you will be that One. This is fact. _

_You were so full of rage with me when you found out about her. It is understandable. I should have explained all to you long before. I admit I was unsure where to even begin and all the while, our relationship grew stronger every day. I realized that I withheld the information regarding my betrothal due to fear-fear you would accuse me of deceit, fear you would not give me a chance to explain, fear you would withhold your love from me. All that I feared came to pass, but in the end, it was because of my cowardice that you left my life. I made an egregious and unforgivable error, and I accept death to be my final punishment. There are no coincidences in life. In his heart, every Vulcan believes this to be true. _

_You expressed your contempt for me and forbade me to ever speak to you. I will comply with those wishes fully once this letter has found its way to your hands. _

_My beautiful, intelligent, passionate, fiery and—at times, more logical than I- Nyota, you have been the most perfect part of my life. You are my worlds combined. Parted, yet somehow, never parted. I will never stop loving you, Nyota Uhura. _

_Faithfully and forever yours,_

_Spock _


	9. Chapter 9

**AN: Yeah, so, um, I basically said **_**eff**_** it here. Read at your own risk.**

**UPDATE AN: I have received hate mail aplenty regarding this chapter! I never promised I was writing a canon based story and you have been warned since the first chapter that there would be graphic sex here. It gets to the most graphic in 9. If you are easily offended by male domination, stop reading this story now. I'm not even reading any more reviews for this, so all I can tell you is that if you find it the most offensive thing you've ever read in your life, delete it now from your queue and forget you ever heard of it. **

**NYOTA**

When crying herself to sleep at night became old, Nyota stopped sleeping and started taking walks underneath the beautiful moon and star lit path on her parent's property. It helped during the worst moments—the dreams where she held Spock against her in her dorm room yet awoke in bed alone with tears in her eyes; the sting of remembering his eyes during their conversations about nothing and everything as he sought to understand her ways. "I accept you exactly as you are, Nyota. But I fail to understand your rationale for rechecking your transmission report for the eighth time when it was correct the very first."

She had said things, horrible things to him, had _slapped_ him and screamed at him never to speak to her again, but her words had not changed what was in her heart. In her heart, she would always love him. She would go to her grave being in love with him. It made her cry to think that he would probably never know this. It caused her heart to ache that right now, wherever he was, whatever he was doing, he was thinking that she really did hate him and their relationship had meant nothing to her just because she had been ready to sleep with Landon on Vulcan. Spock had tried to explain, but in her mind at the time, there hadn't been anything for him to say. She'd just felt so fucking stupid underneath T'Pring's beautiful, icy regard. It was all she could think about. Nyota hadn't even been able to enjoy meeting his mother due to her anger. She'd done her best to act normally when Lady Amanda had showed up the following morning at the Science Hall to show her support and of course to see her son. Nyota had planned on so much more when meeting Spock's mother, but then, she couldn't do anything except once again go into auto pilot, smiling, nodding and avoiding looking directly at Spock.

"Well, my son has spoken so very highly of you. I'm happy to see he has found such a worthy acquaintance in San Francisco," Lady Amanda had told Nyota, hugging her before her departure. Nyota didn't understand why Spock would talk about her to his mother when he knew—they knew- perfectly well he was engaged. Perhaps if she had been in her right mind then, she might have reconsidered letting him explain, but now it was too late. After the return from Vulcan, Nyota had simply resigned from working at Spock's assistant. She was nearly done with her education at Starfleet, and no longer cared what Spock wrote or didn't write for her recommendation. In fact, she had gotten a horrible viral infection in her final weeks of school, barely recovering in time to attend the graduation ceremony with her classmates. She was as shocked as ever when her placement letter had showed _Enterprise: Communications Officer, 2__nd__ Lieutenant_ at the top. Spock must have written her a glowing recommendation after all.

He hadn't been at graduation. In fact, she'd only heard through Landon that he had taken a leave of absence in the final weeks of Starfleet for "personal reasons". Personal reasons, indeed.

It all seemed so long ago now that Nyota was back at home in Nairobi. She hadn't seen or spoken to Spock since Vulcan. Now, they were literally worlds apart. Her tears were her only connection to him now. Tears and an ever aching heart.

"Love takes time to heal, _Nzuri Binti_," her mother would tell her over a cup of tea, cupping her chin. (Beautiful daughter.) "You are home now. You graduated with Honors and you gained placement aboard your dream ship. I will not see you again for five years when you leave me next. So please, let these days be happy ones."

"Yes, Mama." Nyota tried hard to follow her mother's wishes, but she secretly feared she would never know happiness again.

"Some boy chooses another girl over my _binti_, eh? _Yeye ni punda kipofu. Mimi mate yeye na familia yake_!" her father would exclaim in his deep accent, pinching her cheeks as he had done since she had been a girl. (The boy is a blind ass. I spit on him and his family name.)

"Thank you, Papa." Nyota smiled at her father's support. It meant much to her, but that night, her tears threatened to fall once more, so she took to counting as many stars as she could before the sun brought with it the promise of a new day, a new life without Spock.

For seven days, Nyota was certain of this, of a life without Spock. And then came the phone call to her comm from an unregistered number.

"Hello?"

"I need to speak with Nyota Uhura. Please. It's urgent."

Nyota frowned. "This is Nyota. Who is this?"

There was a sob on the other end of the line. "Nyota. _Please_ listen. This is Lady Amanda Grayson. You may remember me, we met briefly back in April. I need your help. It's...it's Spock. He's dying."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Bewilderment was all Nyota could feel as she found herself flying to Vulcan for the second time in less than six months, but this time to the Ambassador of Earth's home. She clutched the letter Spock's mother had scanned her, and prayed she wasn't too late to right her wrongs. The last conversation she'd had with Lady Amanda reeled in her head; she resisted the urge to chew on her fingernails.

"_He never told you about Pon Farr because it embarrasses them, especially the men. He tried to pretend nothing was wrong, but as a mother, I knew. I knew something was __horribly__ wrong. He told me he wanted to go to the East House to work on something for Starfleet, that he wanted to be left alone. I followed him the next day, just to check on him. He was almost unconscious when I managed to get the door open. He needs to mate, and soon!" _

_Nyota's heart skipped two beats. She realized she was squeezing her comm so hard her fingers were hurting. "But..But…why can't he go to T'Pring?" _

"_That has been over for some time. When I got to him, there was a letter in his hand. It was to you. I shouldn't have read it, but he's never written a letter to a woman before. I can scan it to you, we have a machine that works quickly. Nyota, I know you two were in a relationship, and that there was some misunderstanding about T'Pring. Nyota, once a Vulcan choses a mate, he must be with that person. He chose you. He needs you. If you don't agree to be intimate, he'll die. He's waited too long. The Fever has taken over, and there isn't much time. Nyota, I'm begging you. I have money, I have property, I can get you aboard any ship in Starfleet, but please, please come to Vulcan. Please, I beg of you to save my son. You're his last hope. You're his _only_ hope." _

_Nyota heard her own voice answer, "No, you don't have to pay me. I'll come. Just tell me how to get to your home once I land—"_

"_I'll send a private shuttle right away." _

Once the shuttle landed outside a relatively large home, Nyota was ushered inside by Spock's mother and what appeared to be several ladies in waiting. She swallowed thickly, nervous, but everyone was moving in such a flurry of activity that she hardly had time to think. She was instructed to remove her clothing and put on a long but thin white robe that tied at the waist. The ladies brushed her hair, arranging it carefully down her back. She let out a yelp of surprise when one of them threw open her robe and dabbed a strong perfume on her throat, navel and on her pubic mound, but the ladies brushed her embarrassed fingers out of the way. Finally, Lady Amanda stepped forward, holding three hypos, and signaled for one of the ladies to push Nyota's sleeve up. "What's that for?" Nyota asked, as her heart pounded more strongly than before.

"It'll help with the process," Lady Amanda said hurriedly as she injected the hypos into Nyota's arm. "These will work to numb your body. It won't completely eradicate pain, but you'll be grateful for what it _does_ do. I'm sorry. The first time is always roughest, especially for a human woman. I speak from experience. You must understand…when he's like this, he's….he's likely to be violent, but you must endure it. For my son's sake. For my sake, and his father's sake. Go. I've seen to it you won't be disturbed."

Nyota was still holding the love letter Spock had written to her. She had practically memorized it, but still, she handed it to Spock's mother. "Can you keep this for me until it's all over? I'd like to save it," she said. Lady Amanda took the letter, nodding. Then she drew a deep breath, lowered the robe back over Nyota's arm, and hugged her closely. "God bless you, child. I will see you soon." She gave Nyota a quick kiss on her cheek. "Remember. _You must endure_."

"I will," Nyota promised.

Lady Amanda opened the door to the house, and as soon as Nyota entered, she closed it.

Nyota didn't know what to feel for a few minutes. She stood still, breathing heavily. She had no clue what to expect. Would he come out and pummel her or dart across the floor on his hands and feet, like a wild anima? She wasn't sure whether to be afraid or sad. Maybe he was already gone. Everything had happened so fast, and that's all Spock's mother kept saying, they didn't have much time, it was almost too late...

Did she want Spock dead? As angry as she was, she knew instantly the answer to that question. It was what drove her to step forward into the dimly lit quarters, surprisingly cool for a Vulcan room. It meant that Spock truly was sick.

"Spock?" she called softly.

And there he was, in clothing that had been reduced to ribbons. Had he torn his own clothes apart, like an animal? He was laying on the floor, barely moving except when waves of violent shivering sent his body writhing. His eyes found hers, but they were ones she did not recognize, red, wildly unfocused. He was flushed green, his black hair matted to his head with sweat. There were cuts and bruises all over his face and neck, and everywhere she looked, Nyota could see evidence of destruction. Broken furniture, paintings torn apart, spills of liquid and food. What had happened to him? Would she really lose him like _this_? In a literal fit of madness? She had never seen anything like it. For a split second, she wanted to turn and dash back for the door that lead out.

Love and courage forbade her.

"Baby? It's me. It's me, Spock. It's Nyota," she whispered, taking a timid step closer. He growled suddenly, baring his teeth, which looked sharper than she remembered. She gasped in shock as he suddenly dug his fingers so hard against the floor that his nails bent, some of them coming clean off against the stone. Green drops of blood formed at the base of his wounds as another seizure attacked him, and this time, his head slammed back against the stone floor.

"No!" she cried, rushing forward to get to him, tears rolling over her cheeks. Here he was, what she had been wanting all this time they had been apart, but he was dying. She could see that clearly. She took a shaky step towards him, realizing that she was trembling as much as he was. His eyes fluttered and what appeared to be another violent seizure took over, but this time, she was near. She gathered his head in her lap, reaching over his body to touch him; her first instinct was to yank away. He was boiling hot, so hot that he burned against her.

_You must endure. You must. _

Blinking back tears, she stripped her clothing, climbing on top of him, kissing him, his hair, his shoulder. His skin was so hot, she wondered how he was even alive. She felt as if she were lying in an oven.

"Don't leave me. I'm here to help. Take me, I'm here," she whispered, weeping over him. "I love you so much. I didn't mean those horrible words I said, I didn't mean any of it. I'm sorry! I'm sorry about everything! I love you so much! Please, come back! Come back to me, Spock."

He said nothing.

It wasn't working.

Nyota bit her lip for a second, then quickly slid down his body, pulling the remaining rags off of his legs as she took the length of him into her mouth. She had never been a fan of giving oral sex, but she thought back to happier times, when she and Spock had taken such pleasure in each other's bodies. He was the first one she had been with where she hadn't minded putting her mouth on him, hadn't minded swallowing his release. Being with Spock was one pleasure after another, back in those happier times, like gifts on Christmas that never ended. It was those times she thought of as she worked her head up and down, ignoring the ache in her jaw and the stiffness in neck that kicked in after a few minutes. She was just beginning to think she might try something else when he began to stiffen against her tongue. She breathed a sigh of relief, and paused to give her mouth a break, raising up to look at him, checking on him.

He was breathing in a slightly more even manner now, no more seizures- so she went back to work. It didn't take long before his cock became hard as a rock, filling her mouth, but this time when she made a move to back away, his fingers slid into her hair, holding her in place. He moaned loudly, working her mouth down over his now engorged erection, pushing himself so far down her throat that she gagged. It wasn't long before she tasted the first drops of his metallic tasting seminal fluid slide down her throat. Spock groaned again as he released a now steady stream of ejaculation into her mouth. He held her, meaning for her to swallow, so she did. When he finally released her hair, she pushed herself up, gasping for air and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand.

"How are you feeling—"she started to ask when he grunted, grabbing her off the floor as if she weighed no more than a feather. He flipped her on her back over onto a pile of cloth and pillows. "Oh!" she cried as he grabbed her legs, yanking them up so her feet were anchored on his broad shoulders. He drove so deeply into her that she felt a throb of pain as the head of his cock bumped against her cervix. Damn the hypos.

"Easy…._easy_…" she gasped, winching with discomfort. He ignored her, repeating angry thrusts inside her instead. He was holding her so tightly by the arms that she knew there would be bruises in the morning. She tried her best to tolerate it, but after what felt like _hours_, she finally had to say, "Spock. You're hurting me."

She was starting to become convinced that her words did not make a difference. He wasn't responding to anything she was saying, and his eyes were still clouded over with something dark and absent. She tried to shift. To her complete horror, he roared, then leaned forward and bit her on her shoulder. She yelled in surprise when she felt a sharp sting against her skin. She wasn't used to him like this. He wasn't even talking, but he was still scaring her enough to keep her still beneath him. Nyota squeezed her eyes closed and tried to think about other things- the fact he was with her right now instead of T'Pring, the fact that he wasn't dying anymore, they would be together on Enterprise if they made it through this—while Spock pounded into her, over and over, on and on for so long she began to feel nauseous. She knew she must be swollen down there; the hypos were holding up for the most part, but they weren't blocking everything out. She wanted him to stop fucking her like this because she was getting a feeling like she was going to be sick.

And then, almost as if on cue, Spock withdrew, shooting another stream all over her belly. Exhausted, panting and nearly delirious, she collapsed back against the pillows, thinking it was finally over.

It wasn't.

Spock grabbed her again, pulling her now to the bed in the corner of the room. He pushed her down to her stomach, pulling her bottom up into the air. Her heart caught in her throat when she felt a sting of unexpected pain as he popped a finger inside of her ass, pushing in to the knuckle. "Hey!" she wailed in surprise as he turned his finger around and around. "What…what are you _doing_?" she wailed when he suddenly stretched another finger inside next to the first. She struggled against his intrusive fingers, trying to somehow wriggle free when he held her down on the bed, holding her in place with one hand, effortlessly. He pushed a pillow under her belly, raising her bottom up higher into the air.

It wasn't until Spock spit into her backside that she realized his intention—he was going to penetrate her ass again, but this time, not with his fingers.

"Wait!" she shrieked, trying to twist herself around to no avail. "Spock! Please! No, please, wait!" He was so much stronger than her on a regular basis, but now that he was in his trance like state, fighting him off was useless. She was barely able to steady herself on her elbows before she felt him- hard, thick, burning hot, stretching her ass wide open. She screamed with shock and pain as he began to force himself slowly inside, widening her to the point she thought she would break. Where were the hypos effects now?

"Oh, I can't, I can't, _I can't_, Spock, please!" Nyota wailed, her tears a perfect blend of pain, humiliation and fear. She had never even dreamed of doing _anything_ like this, or having anything like this done _to_ her before, and she had no clue what to expect. Would it hurt her the entire time? How long would he want her like this? All night? An hour? Ten minutes? She attempted to wiggle free again, but Spock's grip on the back of her neck pressed her down harder into the bed while the pillow he'd stuck under her held her up the way he needed in order to fit inside of her. Couldn't he feel her fear? It must not have mattered to him. Nyota couldn't reach behind herself to touch his hand, the way they used to do when he wanted to share her thoughts. She was scared as hell, so scared that she suddenly froze, her breathing coming in short gasps as she submitted to him. She squeezed her eyes shut, moaning loudly, when she felt him lean forward with a series of grunts, then intermittent, steady pressure, widening her inch by inch as he worked himself into her smallest hole.

Nyota was shaking all over, trying to collect her thoughts, trying to endure when Spock gasped in satisfaction as he helped himself into the remaining space of her ass, his balls slapping the lips of her vagina. He had completely impaled her. She tasted her own salty tears of shame against her mouth as she realized that he was holding still. Perhaps he was exhausted from the pushing and struggling to fit in a place where she was so small. With a piteous little moan, she dared to lift her head slightly off the pillow. His grip on her neck loosened. He bucked against her, sending a shocking wave of pressure up her ass. She wailed as he lay down completely over her, the weight of his body pinning her into the mattress. He cupped her chin, licking her face, his tongue running all the way to her hair, her scalp. He pushed against her, and another gasp erupted from her lips at the pressure of it all. How massive he felt inside of her this way. She couldn't stop shaking, even though she was crushed underneath his strong, hot body. Nyota took a few deep breaths; he slowly began to move in and out, in and out, but it wasn't as bad now. She honestly wasn't going to last much longer, and she desperately hoped he would finish just like this. They had been having sex for what felt like hours….

He shifted, lifting his weight from her. His hands grabbed her waist, pulling her up on her hands and knees. "_Spock_…" she whimpered, because the position felt uncomfortably tight again; she preferred to stay on her stomach, but she was in no position to argue with him. It didn't matter what she wanted tonight anyway. Without warning, Spock gripped her hips and pulled out slightly, only to then thrust forward, ramming his cock all the way back into her ass. "Be careful, please be careful!" she hissed through clenched teeth. Endure. She must. Nyota did her best to accept his aggressive plunges as her body jerked with every thrust. She squeezed her eyes shut, crying out as he fucked her hard. Her knees threatened to give out, and she started to collapse back to the bed, but Spock grabbed her by the hair, yanking her head back, biting her hard in the neck as he sodomized her. She screamed again; he was being so rough…and she was exhausted. But what could she do? She belonged to him, body, mind and soul. Who was she really fooling? He would take her until there was nothing left to take. It didn't even matter. He could do as he pleased with her. She loved him, and she would endure this kind of submission for no one except him. Even when they had broken each other's hearts, he had thought of her as he lay dying. She was willing to die for him too, if that's what it took. It was sick, but it was the truth.

"I'm yours, I submit, I swear!" she gasped. Spock growled, giving her a series of thrusts so far and deep she felt her stomach churn. His fingers squeezed the flesh of her hips, and then she felt the warm fluid releasing through her, trickling down over her legs. He came down on top of her, withdrawing at last from her bottom.

The air smelled of metal, semen and sweat. Nyota shifted away from him slightly, whimpering with a soreness in her privates that couldn't possibly be described by name. She feebly lifted her hand to her throat, where he'd bitten her. "If I don't walk again…if these bites don't heal completely…I'll kill you, _Spockham_…" she said angrily, then fainted.


	10. Chapter 10

_**AN: I must say I have enjoyed writing this. I don't regret nor would I change a thing. For those of you who approached this work with an open mind, thank you so very much and you have no idea how much it means to me. I gave this story 110% and I dedicate this final chapter to you. Here's to happy endings! **_

**SPOCK**

Spock blinked as his blurry eyes came slowly into focus, as his breathing began to regulate. Pain, there was pain now, especially in his hands and the back of his skull. He had not been aware at first, but now the feelings came roaring to life. He was…confused. He recognized the scent of his seed, strong, all over the bed. All over this side of the room. Finally sitting up, he stumbled across a person lying next to him.

Her.

Naked, an open wound on her neck. Shackled bruises all over throat and her arms.

"Nyota!" he gasped. For the first time in his life, his heart skipped a beat as he waited for her reply, to move. She did neither. Had he killed her? "_No!_" he whispered, collapsing beside her, cradling her in his arms. "No, no, no, _**no!**_ What have I done? _What have I done_?" he wept into her hair, rocking her limp body against his chest.

He could not believe it, yet this was real, not a fantasy. In his fantasies involving her, there was never blood or pain. His confusion cleared slowly as he pieced facts together. He had entered into what he knew to be his final, volatile stages of his Blood Fever. He would die, and he had known it, had accepted it, so long as he completed his final words by letter to her. That was the last he remembered. He had waited so long that he had blacked out. He should be dead right now, yet he wasn't. He wasn't because she had come. Somehow, she had come to him. She had saved him. But_ how_ was she here? _Why_ was she here? She had rejected him. She was filled with hatred for him; she had vehemently declared it, several times. He remembered that day like it was yesterday, the cold look in her eyes as she'd told him never to speak to her again. His mind raced for answers to his questions. He pressed his face against hers, kissing her lips, still so warm. "My Nyota…my Love…" he murmured through shameless tears. His fingers pressed against the bruise on her neck, the blood already dried and hardening.

She stirred.

She wasn't dead! Spock shouted in surprise and joy. She was alive! But he could see that she was in need of medical assistance. She had come to his aid, and though he still needed answers, he could—_would_- get them later. He grabbed a robe from the nearest closet for himself, then wrapped her slender body in a sheet, and lifted her from the bed, making his way to the front door of his parents East House.

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Spock's mother called on her own Vulcan healers to make sure Nyota received the best care. Under normal circumstances, Spock would have spent the next day or so catering to Nyota personally, cooking meals, massaging her feet, brushing her hair, serenading her. However, Spock had been so close to the edge of death and he had emerged from his state to see Nyota unconscious, so he would take no chances. Next time, he would not have to wait so late. Next time. He planned on ensuring that there would be a next time, if she was willing to give him a second chance. He'd stepped out earlier this morning to do just that, but since his return, he had waited outside her hospital room, pacing, his half human side coming out fully as he waited for news of her condition. Had he destroyed her? Would she still hate him? Would she take him back? He did not know.

"You should sit," his mother said. Lady Amanda had been with Spock the entire time, more grateful to Nyota than Spock most likely. He was alive because of Nyota. He had refused everything except a change of clothes, would not even return to him home until he knew exactly what was happening with her, the one he loved so desperately.

"I cannot sit, Mother. Please, leave it be," he said.

"Your worrying won't change anything. She's going to be fine, Spock. I've been there—"

"Not to the same extent, Mother!" Spock interrupted, growing impatient and irritated. His mother sucked her breath in slightly. "Suit yourself, darling," she said, and returned to her digital magazine.

Just when Spock had decided to interject whatever was going on behind the closed doors to Nyota's room, the Lead Healer finally emerged.

"What news?" he asked as his mother stood, came to his side.

"There is some swelling in her genital area, but nothing that will not repair itself. An internal scan showed abrasions to her uterus and cervix, which, again, will reconcile itself with rest and the aid of a mild regenerator, which she requested herself. She is a young, strong female. I anticipate full and complete healing with vitamin water and no sexual activity for at four weeks."

Spock nodded. "I am grateful for your service," he said. He turned to his mother, hugging her in his relief.

"I told you. Worry wart. Go to her. I'll prepare a meal for you at home," his mother said. She gave him a quick kiss against his neck, then left.

Spock took a deep breath, then entered Nyota's hospital room.

She looked up at him, and gave him a small smile. His eyes blurred with tears he did not even try to prevent from falling. Before he knew it, he had crossed the room to be by her side. "I am sorry, Nyota. For…what I have done to you," he murmured against her soft, curly hair.

"No. Don't say that to me. I'm fine. I'm the one who should be saying sorry. Because I didn't want to listen," she said. "I _should_ have been willing to listen. You could have died. If your mother hadn't called me, that would have been it. I would have lost you forever." She cried then, but they held each other until her sobs subsided. "I never wanted to be apart," she told him finally. "I never hated you. I was just angry and hurt. I never stopped loving you. I never will."

"Then…I am forgiven?" he asked her.

Nyota cupped his face with both hands, kissing his tears away. "You were forgiven the second I read your letter," she said softly.

"I never wanted…to hurt you…to put you here, in this hospital. I am ashamed—"

"I told you, I'm fine. Your doctors here knew just what to do. Nothing's broken, nothing's damaged. A little rough sex could never send me packing. I'm yours."

The moment was now, then. Spock swallowed. "Perhaps you are willing to make that a permanent declaration," he whispered. He handed her a small box. A human gesture of the ultimate devotion, yet one he had decided upon the moment he'd dropped Nyota off here.

She held the tiny box in a bandaged hand, her eyes wide with surprise. "Jesus Christ, _what is this_? Is this a _ring_, Spock?" she squealed.

He smiled. "You are perfectly capable of knowing for yourself, if you would open the box."

She flipped the lid and burst into the happiest laughter he had heard. "What….But how…are you _serious_?!"

He had seen it done before in holograms, so he knew to take the large diamond (purchased from a jeweler that morning, in fact) from the box and slide it onto the fourth finger of her left hand. "I wish to make you my wife. I wish to wake up beside you tomorrow and the next day and every day after that. But only if you are in compliance, Nyota Uhura."

She flung her arms around his neck. "Yes, I am in total compliance!" She kissed him again, laughing, and hugged him. When she finally pulled away, there were more tears in their eyes, but this time, only of happiness. "Spock, are you sure? You really want to marry me?" Nyota asked him.

"To spend the rest of my life with any other woman," he said, pulling his now fiancé closer, "would be most illogical."

**The End**


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